The Runaways

Chapter 14

Liam

Hi Ma.

Bet you didn’t think I’d come calling for you at this hour. Does it surprise you anymore? Seeing how little I’ve changed. Years ago, I would’ve shown up in your room, pale as a corpse, snot dripping all over the place and tears in my eyes and you would’ve said, “Save it for the morning, Liam,” and without thinking about it, carried me right off to bed.

Jesus, I could use that today.

You’d think after how long it’s been that I would’ve grown out of tugging on your skirt like this, but I won’t be at it for long. I haven’t been thinking peacefully these days. I won’t pretend in front of you. I’m not low enough to lie in front of your gravestone.

I feel worthless lately, worse than I have in quite a while. Caleb’s mainly to blame. Sometimes I don’t know if he’s smarter than I am or out of his mind, but I can’t take the way he looks at me.

He’s got your eyes, Ma—the kind I can’t stand ‘cause it’s like looking at you, looking at me like I’m scum. Is that what you think I am?

Caleb’s sold on the idea.

Come to think of it, in the last few hours he’s decided he prefers a hostage to me. Can you stand the thought of that? A young Judas? Don’t blame yourself for it. You’re not at fault for a rotten seed.

Marcus and Cillian are ripples in the water compared to him. As the day’s gone on, they’ve changed. They don’t say much. Neither have spoken to me in the last hour, so I left the house for a while. I can’t stand being around the silence. Makes me feel like a lunatic.

Remember how you’d get around the old bastard sometimes? When he’d come home pissed out of his mind and you’d just stand there, waiting for him to go off on you? The boys get edgy around me every now and again—like I’ve taken his place.

You would’ve scolded them for the thought alone. I don’t like being made to feel like I’ve done wrong by this family. You didn’t raise me to murder old men or steal little girls, but I didn’t have another choice. Not when it came to you.

Death’s one of the better ways of getting people’s attention. Luring out the old Washington wolf by kicking around one of his pups was brilliant, wasn’t it? I think I’ve done well for us. In an hour or so, the whole nation’s gonna know our name and what happens to people who threaten us.

But I’m after the fight more than the fame, ‘cause none of us will make it ‘til morning. They’ll send the Pentagon after us, but I won’t let strangers be the ones to take my brothers from me. I’ll take them myself when the time comes. I think Cillian and Marcus know. It’s in their eyes, but they’re good men to stand their ground.

I’ve asked them to board up the house. It’ll be a proper coffin when they finish. Neither of them are fighting what’s coming, we all feel it. Caleb’s the only one kicking and screaming. I’ve had to do things you wouldn’t condone, but I won’t hide them from you.

I shoved a pistol down his throat, Ma. Don’t know what pushed me to do it—but it felt right. Sometimes taking my fists to him ‘til he’s back to himself feels right. There’s not much else I can do with a wild dog now, is there?

If a little violence will rid him of whatever temptation has warped his mind, I’ll beat him ‘til there’s nothing left.

I’ve come close to losing myself over the grief of seeing him change. Nearly killed him over it. Caleb’s a good boy—our golden boy, looked like an angel when he was born, I remember. He took after you, Ma. He’s got everything that was beautiful about you in his blood. But he’s reckless, and a reckless boy’s as good as a dead one.

I’ve tried to do what you asked of me, to keep him from losing his way—with women, above all else. As things are now, he’ll only fight for himself and that tramp. I wonder if God will forgive him for that, ‘cause I won’t.

If he’s given himself over to his fantasies of running off with Anderson’s little Eve, he’d best prepare himself for judgment—my judgment before all else.

I’ll tell you a secret. I want that girl to bleed. I want her to waste away like you did from a disease her father could’ve prevented. I want him to watch her freeze—to watch her blood turn blue under the surface of that glassy complexion of hers.

All the money in the world’s made her the pretty little diamond that she is. All the money in the world won’t be able to fix what I’d like to do to her.

Maybe I’ll carve her into pieces. God, I’m living for the moment he loses that girl, when all the sinful outcomes he hoped for burn to ashes in front of his eyes. He’ll come back to us then, as murderous and angry as I’d hoped for. The weakness in him dies when she does, and that won’t be long now.

Give me the strength to carry out the unthinkable, mother. I need your spirit to help me take the life of the man who took you from us. The anger keeps me breathing, and it’ll keep me going ‘til I send Anderson to the maggots.

If I mangle her, will you forgive me?

If I take her from her father, he’ll understand the balance of things. Anderson’s got the whole world, and I’m going to pry it from his fingers. You’ll be proud to watch.

If I bleach the stains from Caleb’s conscious, he’ll be clean again. He should want to kill her for your sake. It’ll only do him good, that’s when he’ll be the son you wanted, and the brother who’ll I’ll be proud to die with.

I’ll make Caleb respect me again. I’ll make him understand that there’s nothing but glory in putting an end to opposition.

Death for the damnable is a simple thing, Ma.

I’m counting the beads on the bullet rosary in my pocket. There are only four—four bullets with a God given purpose. Pray for me, mother, give me the strength to commit our family into the arms of the Heavenly Father without hesitation.

‘Cause it won’t be long, now.

It won’t be long.