THE SPORADIC CHOICE (ON GOING)

CHAPTER 1: THE ROCHFORD DREAM

AWAKENED by the giggles of restless creatures, blue skies filled the warm and hazy morning today.

I braced myself, got dressed and darted pass through these worn-out peers who got drunk from last night’s cheers.

Thank God parang kumalma na ata ang mga mokong ito. Mabibilang yung mga nalasing kagabi. Hinding-hindi ko malilimutan mga ginawa nila. Anyway. 

Five-thirty was what my gold Paris-inspired Quartz watch dictated its long and short ticking hands. With a pang of mixed and unsettled emotions filled with fear and hope, I had to get home before the rising sun completely fills the heavens with the summer skies.

Lagot ako nito. Papa’s going to kill me, is the thought that runs through my mind. I had to be the first in the finish line just for this morning or else my summer escapade dreams in Rochford would be crashed. However, for once, I hardly gave any consideration on weighing the opportunity cost between spending the 31st with my college foregoing peers back in St. Germaine’s or obeying papa’s final verdict and that is not to go to Bloomington Lake with them.

“That’d lead you up to no good, aksidente lang mapapala mo niyan” he added.

It was so hard to choose between the two and if only I didn’t take the responsibility, papa’s to-the-last-minute decision would be bearable. But I did. I took the responsibility of taking over my class for this last get-together night with my Spring Crest friends and I must admit even I myself would not want to miss the chance to be with them for the last time.

Thus, I nevertheless tiptoed and grabbed my knapsack out of papa’s way yesterday.

Yes, a naughty and defiant Ira Lin is what you can say, but reader, your impression will change someday.  For yesterday lang naman ako gumawa niyon. 

Back to where I am today, I reached home at exactly six in the morning. Mother and I had this silent treatment ever since she had a fight with papa last night. Oh well, have you ever had that daunting feeling when your parents fight because of you? Nakaka'guilty tas nakaka'depress diba? 

“That child has become so unconventional! You kept on tolerating her with whatever she wants. Kaya nga hindi sila natatakot sa'yo kaseh spino'spoil mo sila. ” That was what my stern father told my mother last night.

Of course, I don’t want to hear more of what has happened because for sure, mother was sobbing again. Her swollen eyes met mine this morning.

I felt like I am such a terrible daughter. Facing my stern father this morning for an apology was the least of the things I am good at. I’ve always known him as someone who is so aloof and distant which is why it was easier for me to talk with Mother.

Creek. Footsteps were coming down from the staircase. It’s papa.

Frozen at the moment, I really do not know what to do. Must I greet him or should I just run in my bedroom and lock myself?

Think, think, think, think.

No. I must apologize or else Rochford dreams would be crashed. I have to leave Spring Crest for Rochford this evening and if I don’t apologize now, poor Ira Lin will be staying in Spring Crest for the rest of my dream days.

I was too scared to go near him fearing that he’d ignore me and wouldn’t accept my apology.

My knees were trembling and hardly knew what to do as I made my first step towards him.

I showed my sign of reverence hoping that di niya ako papansinin or sasapakin niya ako. But he didn’t. He just stood there.

“Look, Pops, I am sorry”, I began crying. “I’ve been trying to weigh things over and over again but it would be too late if I back off. I lost the grip of the whole thing ‘cause I’ve been staying in the room just watching over them… Everyone’s at their best, Pop, but I’m just there, declining every shot dared for me. Everyone’s calling me out to swim with them or go on fishing but I just stood there as if I couldn’t be moved. I admit pops, nag'attempt talaga akong mag'swimming thinking may makukuha akong positive energy pagkatapos. Pero hindi ko pinatuloy eh. Yung shorts lang nabasa. Natatakot kaseh ako baka may mangyari sa amin kaseh yon yung sinabi mo eh. Tas susulong yung mga magulang nila. Tas baka papatayin niyo ang each other just to defend me. Pa, nagdasal lang talaga ako noon. Buti nalang walang nangyari. Wag ka na magalit Pa please.”