handshakes (boyxboy)

one

"So, when are you going to get a girlfriend?" Kellin asked me as we came from the sidewalk to the parking lot pavement. We had just finished a small soccer practice of our own and were beginning to head home. Tryouts were tomorrow and every year he and I practiced the day before. We didn't do too much during it, but it was enough to refresh our skills and just get pumped, I suppose.

"A what," I choked. Girlfriends, and girls, were the furthest thing from my mind right now. I was in my senior year, soccer was starting tomorrow, and, you know, other stuff. Besides, with how I had been feeling lately about girls in general... I wouldn't want them on my mind. Ever since the beginning of the summer, I've noticed my interest in girls has decreased drastically. I mean, I wasn't really experienced with them in the first place, but the topic of my sexuality was up in the air now and it was a big weight on my shoulders. I did my best not to think about it, really.

"Relax, V! You know I'm just joking," Kellin smiled at me and threw his bag in the back seat of my car. We had been driving together for about two years now. Kellin was the first one to get his license, but as soon as I got mine he didn't really feel like driving anymore and just let me. I'm not quite sure why, but that was our own order to things and I didn't really mind it.

"So," I said, trying to change the subject. "Mike is trying out for the team tomorrow,"

"Oh, I didn't know he decided to do it," Kellin replied. He was looking out the window now and tapping on the glass softly. It was something he did to pass time, I'm not really sure why he did it.

"Yeah, he told me this afternoon," I replied. I didn't care if Mike played or not, especially considering he didn't really like the sport as a whole.

"He'll make it," I hummed in response. "I can't believe we're seniors this year!" Kellin turned to me with hopeful eyes and one of his famous, amazing smiles. I felt my cheeks heat up but looked away before it got too bad. He's been making me feel queasy lately, not in a bad way like usual, though. It was in an attractive way. I know I had been really questioning who I liked, but I felt like I wasn't experienced enough to even associate with a label. 

"Yeah, I'll finally be rid of you," I muttered.

"No," Kellin corrected. "We are going to the same college, staying in the same dorm, graduating at the same time, then moving to the same neighborhood so we can have a connected pool in our backyards," I was silent for a minute out of pure astonishment. I wish I could say he pulled that out of his ass, but something deep within me knew that he was serious.

"Okay, crazy. Just get some rest, K. I'll see you tomorrow," Kellin got his things out of my car and went around to the driver's side door, holding out his hand. We did our small and quick handshake and parted ways.

It sounded silly, maybe even a little immature, but that handshake was one of the most important things Kellin and I did. Right before we left each other, we made sure to do it because it meant something special to both of us. Kellin once told me it was proof that I was always there for him which was undoubtedly true. But, for me, it was proof that I was Kellin's one and only best friend. Of all the friends Kellin had, I was someone special and that thought always sat heavy on my heart. He and I were seemingly opposite: he was popular and I was not. He was handsome and good with people while I only had passable looks and was a lot shier in person. Naturally, it was easy for me to get left behind in his glory. Regardless, every time we did that handshake, we were on equal footing and I would never forget to do it.

When I made it home, I went inside and put down my things in the mudroom, yelling hello to my mom who was in the kitchen. Soon, though, I had that feeling again: the pit that crawls its way up to your throat right before you're about to puke.