handshakes (boyxboy)

five

I held the piece of paper in my hand and sighed. Last night was so weird for me. I'm sure it was weird for Kellin, too. I didn't really want him to find out that I was interested in guys that way, but I was glad it was all out of the way. Still, though, I didn't know how he really felt about it all. He told me it was fine and he didn't hate me, but that's all that was said about it. When we got home, he just went right home; he didn't even stay the night like he usually did.

While I was worried about Kellin, I still had the thought of Jaime in my head. He was the first guy to show attention to me. I'm sure I wasn't anything to him, I doubt he was even expecting me to text, but I still found myself clenching the number and contemplating adding his number to my phone. Maybe I should just do it. What was the worst that was going to happen, you know? It was just someone to talk to and there was a first time for everything.

With a sigh, I punched in the digits of his phone number and typed out a text. I read it and reread it a hundred times over before I pressed send, but it was finally done. Now all I had to do was wait-- the worst part.

"Hey," I heard from my door. There was a soft knock that came before, but I didn't know anyone was there until they spoke. It was Kellin. I sat up on my bed and motioned for him to come in. I hadn't seen him since last night.

"You alright?" he asked and sat down next to me. Our thighs touched, but I backed up against the wall with my legs crossed in front of me.

"Yeah, sorry," he shrugged. "Are you?" Kellin looked back at me with a small smile and nodded. We sat there quietly for a bit before he backed up and laid down on his back with his head in my lap.

"I, uh... I'm sorry for freaking out last night and pulling you away,"

"Oh," is all I sounded. He groaned, put his hands on his face and dragged down. Letting a puff out, he stared up at me while I looked down. I watched as his eyes scanned my face, landing on my eyes and staying there. I couldn't help but blush back at him.

"I'm such an idiot!" Kellin quickly sat up and positioned himself in front of me. "Do you forgive me, V? I didn't mean to make you upset! I never want to do that, you believe me, don't you?"

"I believe you. Stop, Kellin," I laughed. He always had a way of making the environment around us light and airy; I appreciated it. It was like nothing was awkward around us.

For the next couple of hours or so, Kellin just kept talking to me. It felt good and natural. Everything felt... normal. We found ourselves all over the house, he made me eat, and we even went for a drive. When we got back home, though, Kellin plopped right back down on my bed and pulled me into him. I knew this was something we always did, but I wondered if he felt I would take it differently. I mean, maybe I did just a little bit considering I liked Kellin and he knew that I at least liked guys. But there was a comfort to him doing it and us just laying there together that told me he wasn't fazed by it.

"So," Kellin began. His hand had been playing with the strands of hair on top of my head but stopped when he started talking. At this point, I knew what was coming next, but I didn't feel nervous about it. In fact, I felt fine with him asking. I wanted him to ask.

"Ask," I interrupted.

"What?"

"Ask if I like boys or not and why already," I turned over and rested up chin on his chest. His hand still rested atop my head, but he didn't say anything for a while.

"Do you?" I nodded slowly. "Wow," he hinted at a smile.

"What?"

"Nothing. You're just growing up, my boy," Kellin cooed. He made kissing noises and faces at me, but I pushed him away and tried to sit up. He laughed and pulled me back down, keeping me in place on his chest. He was clingy and it usually happened when he felt lonely, but it felt different somehow. I really couldn't place my finger on it.

"I am proud of you, though,"

"Yeah, yeah, thanks, I guess,"

"Listen, V, I don't think you and Jaime should be involved," Kellin said. I furrowed my eyebrows with confusion.

"U-um," I chuckled. He sounded like an overprotective parent and I was about to make fun of him, but I saw the seriousness in his eyes and heard it in his tone. "Kellin, I'm alright."

"I know, but he is not good news. Just trust me on that, okay?" I didn't answer. I felt like a kid and I didn't like it. Kellin just figured out I liked guys, but that didn't mean he could tell me who to associate with. I doubt he even knew Jaime. I barely knew him, but that wasn't the point.

"Kellin, I can make that decision for myself," I grounded. "I'm not a kid,"

"V, that's not what I meant-"

"Really? So you don't doubt that I can make my own decisions? Even if I'm new to... this?" I waved my arms. I was getting upset now. I just didn't feel in control and I was beginning to get queasy. "You sound crazy, Kellin. Just let me figure stuff out, alright?"

Kellin grabbed my hands and looked me deep in the eyes, calming me down. He told me to breathe and I reluctantly let out a deep breath, that didn't mean I still wasn't upset with him, though.

"You can do what you want, V, you know that. But, just... be careful around him." I nodded and he let go of my hands. He thanked me and got off of my bed, collecting his keys and shoes. "I have to get home, but I'll see you Monday,"

With a swift movement, Kellin and I did our handshake and he swooped down with a hug. "Love you, Vic," he whispered in my ear. I told him it back, nothing new, and watched as he left. Not a few minutes later did I get a buzzing of my phone.

Maybe: Jaime: Hello there, gorgeous

***

it's short, leave me alone. ur boy is a little sad :^(