What Hides Within

Rage

18th June, 2016.

I thought he was different. I thought he cared.

He was with me during those dreary days in hospital when mum was fighting for her life.

He was there when I had a bad day at work.

He was there at every step of my life for four years since that movie date.

But he never wanted to be with me. He was never sure.

Just like the others.

Use Carrie. Have fun with Carrie. Keep Carrie waiting. Because Carrie is dumb.

I knew it when I saw him dance with Kate.

I felt the same overwhelming rage that I felt years ago when David taunted me saying Delia was his favourite cousin, not me. The rage that made me push him in front of that car.

I was so sorry that I did it. I regretted doing it. But at that moment, I wanted him to die.

The rage scares me. It takes over me. And of late I can't control it.

That day while crossing the road, the rage took over but I had to physically push David.

It's not like that anymore.

Things changed after mum died.
Mum, who was the only ray of light in my dark life.

The only one who never betrayed me, the only one who backed me up. The only one who cared.

Now when the rage takes over, bad things happen to people.

I try to tell myself it is a coincidence. But I know in my heart it is not.

It has happened too often. To too many people. The rage takes over and they suffer.

Vince dumped me for another girl. His car crashed into a bus. He got paralysed from waist down. He cut his wrists and died.

Sonia ruined my chances of a promotion at work. Sonia tripped on the stairs and died.

My neighbour fought with me over music he was blasting at 2 am. My neighbour got electrocuted in the bath tub and died.

Kate tried to steal Eric away at the dance. Kate got diagnosed with end stage leukemia and died.

And the others. Minor things sometimes. Accidents, falls, cuts... but always pain.

I can't possibly tell anyone this. They will think I'm crazy. They won't believe I'm dangerous.

When I saw Eric and Kate together, I knew I had to stay away from him. I don't want to harm him. I love him too much for that. But the rage washes over everything.

After Kate died I thought it would be safe.

I was overjoyed when he agreed to marry me.

But at the church today I saw him hesitate and my heart sank.

I have to be careful around him. I can't let myself get angry at him. I won't let the rage hurt him. My love has to be stronger than that.

This is a mistake.

A/N: Did you find it interesting to get a glimpse of Carrie's perspective?
Is this what you expected?