Sad Destiel One-Shots

I love you

"I love you"

"I love you too."

"God you're beautiful."

"You're perfect."

"I've never been happier."

"I love you."

"Dean, what are you doing?"

"Relax, Cas, I'm fine."

"Dean, come back, sit down, let's talk, please."

"Dean, where are you going?"

"It's none of your business."

"Dean, please..."

"What?"

"Please leave the bottle. I don't... I don't want you to hurt yourself."

The moment I open the door, you're there.

"You came back!" you say, pulling me into a hug. I pat you on the back. "I thought I'd done it this time. I'm so sorry, Cas, I didn't want to push you away." you let go of me.

"I know. Look, I'm really tired. I didn't get much sleep last night. You know... you know I can't sleep without you." You nod and take my hand, leading me into my - our bedroom. We both get into the bed I find myself back in your arms.

"I love you. I don't mean to... I don't ever mean to hurt you." I don't answer. I know you don't mean it. I know you. You're better than that. We just need to work through it. I can help you. But right now I need sleep. And I get it. But when I wake up you're gone, and you don't even need to tell me where's you're going. I know. I also know how much of a fool I am. But god damn it, I don't care. Dean Winchester, you were the only person who could ever make me not care.

I loved you. I did. I still do. But I can't... I can't do it anymore. I know that's cliché as hell but dammit Cas... I just can't anymore. I can't stay here, pretending everything's okay, because it's not. We aren't right together. It won't work. You... You were beautiful when I met you. You were radiant, I couldn't stop staring, I was so in love. But the longer we were together, you... you changed, Cas. And I'm not under any illusions. I was the one that changed you. I'm sorry. You never deserved me. I hope you can move past me, move on. Forget me, Cas. Please. Don't look for me, don't call me... I'm not going to pick up. It's for your own good, Cas. I love you. Damn I love you. Which is why I can't stay. I'm killing you, Cas. And I won't do it anymore. Forgive me.

I stare at the phone. It's Cas. He never could follow directions. I take another swig. He's better off now. I turn the phone over.

I put the phone down. He didn't pick up. He said he wouldn't, but I couldn't just leave it. I won't just leave it. I'm going to find him. I'm never going to give up.

I see him everywhere I go. My brain is so addled I can't help it. I don't think I've been sober since I left. I wasn't sober before I left. I wanted more than this. For both of us.

I'm worried. I keep getting close, but then he's gone again. He just vanishes. Every time I'm scared he's dead. Sam doesn't know anything, either. Dean's left both of us.

I see it coming. I could run. I don't. I wouldn't make it far anyway. I can't see straight. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought. I hope they can forgive me. Cas especially. I can hear him. I really must be drunk, I can actually hear his voice. I can think of nothing I'd rather hear, even if he isn't actually here. He abandoned me, just like I wanted him to. Thank god. I love you, Cas. I love... I...

He's gone. He just... I saw it. God, I was so close. I could see him, he was right there, dammit, he was right in front of me! I couldn't do anything. I held him. I held him as he died. He was drunk, but he... I hope he knew I was there. I didn't abandon him. I don't know what to do now. For so long that was my only purpose. To find him. And I found him. And he died in my arms. I pick up the bottle. I've never... But he always said it helped him. Maybe...