Convulsions

Katherine

Hey guys!
I know I'm late again...like its becoming my habit..isn't it??
But forgive me, my folks...I have genuinely been busy!
And wait...hang on...we crossed 300 reads?? Like re-a-llyyy??
I love you guys sooo freaking much!
Thank you!
Last is, I wanna apologise...to keep you guys waiting.

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Katherine's POV

I stood there in a shock, unable to digest the thought of Darren finally have found her...
Whom you ask?
Her.
The one whom he chased...and maybe does still.

He had his reasons to do so. But yeah, thats the keyword 'maybe'.

I'm not sure about it as usual as I'm of nothing.
Anyway I can't give Darren the thing which he should get and it's his right to want it, but..but I just can't.
And now, that she has come into the picture, she will be able to give him what he wants, and not to forget he has spent so many years looking for her.
He had just given up on his search for her, but she had to come into his life now?
And what about me?
Will he leave me , now that he has found her after so many years?
But...I have helped him...come out of his misery of fourteen years...
But he used to love her....used to? Or still does?
He can't do that to me...will he?
No he's not like that...he loves me...I'm his wife.
" YEAH, but you don't serve the purpose of being one," my inner self mocked at me!

So many questions raged through my mind and as I stood there thinking of all the possibilities, tears had pooled up in my eyes. I hadn't noticed when Darren had come up to me from where he was sitting.

He took me in his arms, and looked at me for a long time.
All the time I was staring in his eyes...his beautiful greyish blue eyes.
His eyes are my weakest spot, I drown in them every time I look at him, and today is no exception.

In his eyes what I find, stuns me, because there is uncertainty, and its just not so-Darren to be uncertain of what he wants.

He is always sure about what he wants and needs from his life and works his way through to get it, be it the simple way or the hard way.

"But he didn't have his hard way to have what he wanted from you," my inner conscience reminds me and that illuminates hope in my heart that maybe he won't leave me because he has been so caring and loving to me for all these years.

"Shh, Kat...don't worry, I'm yours alone," Darren whispers. That brings a wave of relief to the building chaos in me.
He is my sole relief and belief system, because he has accepted me the way I am, no questions asked, no judgments made.

"Would you try to make contact with her again," I say a little uncertain about the answer I'm going to receive.
He slowly peels away his arms from my waist and stand a little far away from me for my liking and moves his hand in his hair in frustration.

It's not that I don't understand his reasons to try to seek her, but in what manner he seeks her is my problem and for what reason.

"Kat, I hope you understand why I need to meet her again and what I need to do?" He asks almost desperately trying to make me understand his situation.

And I for that matter do understand his reasons, but if there was to happen anything more than that, I wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Yes, I do Darren," I say as I reach up to him again, but he hesitates a little and then pecks me sweetly on my lips.

Yes I do love him and he does too.
"Its, you thinking that. Have you ever actually thought of what he might be suffering because of you, every time that you deny him?" My self consciousness pricked me with these thoughts.

" Just shut up, me and Darren, we are stronger than that, these small things can never break us apart," I reprimand my inner self.

"Sure, as you say but you know it deep down, the more that you push him away one day he will be fed up and there will be other girl adorning his bed. It might be Elena too? Just a wild guess," She mocks at me with evil laugh.

I shut her out as she's right...and I'm afraid one day he will be bored of me, and leave me.

And why will he not?

A man has his needs, and I being his wife can't fulfill it.
The only thing, I'm supposed to do and be best at, I'm incapable of doing it, then how will he continue to love me nevertheless.

But I try, it's not like I don't try doing it, but I just don't feel like doing IT.

My entire life I never had a boyfriend, I couldn't stand the idea of having one. The nuances that followed with being in a relationship were never my cup of tea, I couldn't stand the idea of having sex, or even making out.

But then, it changed when Darren came into my life, and he was that someone whom I couldn't resist.
We started dating a couple of years back and got married one year back.

He knew about me not being able to engage into anything remotely related to intimate. Yet, he chose to love me.
Slowly after sometime, I tried giving it a shot.

One day I just went up-to him and kissed him. It was exhilarating.
He was so shocked, he couldn't even comprehend and kiss me back.

It got awkward because it was like I was kissing a person who didn't want to be kissed, so I just pulled myself away from him and was ashamed of myself.

Then he might have realized something, and asked if I was okay, and why did I just kiss him like that.

What could I answer?
"Because, I felt like doing it," I murmured.
The look on Darren was indescribable. He pulled me in his arms and kissed the life out of me.

But we never moved ahead of kissing, he wanted it to take it at my pace.
Only when I felt like doing it, and only the things I was comfortable with.

Then we got married and I thought let's take it a little more ahead and we started to make out, but its been one year and I haven't been able to give him more than that.

He says he's content in it...but I know better than that.
You would wonder the reason as to why? I have my valid reasons.

Even though I am his wife, I can't give him the pleasures, a man desires from his wife.

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So, how was it? Hope you liked it. And if you did, press that cute star button at the bottom of your screen.
And I apologise for being away for a lot of time, but life's been hard, who's is not?
Let's just get along happily and learn from your past experiences.
Lemme kno what you think about the chapter on the comment section.
If you feel like asking any questions feel free to, I would love to answer them.
Love you guys a lot.
See ya, until the next time!
And I hope that be soon! *wink wink* 😂