Three

People say you fall in love three times. Well, Josh can only confirm 1/3 of this saying. He has known love- the most intimate, understanding and beautiful love. It was pretty as a floral patterned pair of shoes, caring as a mother, and as special to him as the band they had formed together. His and Tyler's love was amazing, at least to him. It finally felt as if he was not alone in this world- had someone who cared, who understands.
But apparently Tyler thought differently. Tyler fell in love a second time, was how Tyler explained it. He found Jenna- whom josh thought was sweet, caring, and very nice. He never dreamed she would take Tyler away from him. But she did.
Josh wasn't mad. Maybe at first, when Tyler broke up with him- but he was feeling every dark emotion possible that week after he broke the news. Josh still feels those emotions, but not anger. How could he? The love of his life, who he really just wanted to be happy, found someone who made him happier than Josh did. It was harsh, but he wanted Tyler to be happy, right? Even if it wasn't with him.
That was Josh's logic. He sticks with it- forcing himself to make Tyler beleive he was over it- not letting Tyler know he hurt every second of every day- so he could at least preserve their friendship. As time moved on, Tyler and Josh remained friends. That's it. Not as close as they were before- just friends, who joked and talked and had a band together. Soon, Tyler and Jenna were married. It shattered Josh's heart more so than it was before- if that was possible- but he still accepted Tyler's invitation to be his Best Man. He stood and watched, smiling, as they were pronounced husband and wife, but went home feeling even bluer than he had for the past year or two.
Now, Tyler and Josh still toured together, were considered close friends, and stayed in pretty tight quarters on the tour bus, which meant Josh had to be extra careful. Currently, they were doing the Emotional Road Show tour. Which is what it was to Josh. The happy parts were seeing the millions of fans affected by their music, the sad when Josh once again had to conceal his inner feelings of sadness and love for is best friend. The scary parts were always before the show- when Josh couldn't control the voices in his head telling him he was alone, messed up, and not worthy to play in front of and with these wonderful people. He was on the brink of an anxiety attack every time he got ready in his dressing room
By far the most emotional part of this tour, for josh, was that Tyler wasn't there. Not with him- on stage, yeah, playing Mario Kart on the bus, yes. But not there when Josh needed him most. When he was shaking and crying at 2 am in the bathroom, not there when he physically could not get up from a fetal position and stop shaking or screaming in his head before a show, not there when Josh needed a shoulder to lean on. Their close relationship was all but over. And Josh was even more of a mess after it than before. And it broke his heart. Every day, every second. He was alone.
You see, Josh is the exception to this saying. He fell in love- and he fall hard and completely- once. Just once. And really, he hasn't climbed up the cliff yet- he remains, broken, in the valley below, that is Tyler. But Tyler isn't there any more.

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Hey! So that was my first attempt at writing here. If anyone reads this, tell me what you think and if I should write more on Wattpad. If u have any constructive criticism, feel free to post it. Thank you! -🐳
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