It Was Supposed to Blossom

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Lilly POV

At this point, I was driving blindly. I had no idea where I was going to go, but I hoped the ride would clear my head, relax me. And it's working so far. I just had to ignore the beeping of my iPhone tucked away in a compartment. Every now and then, I caught Ryan's name out of the corner of my eye and had to look away.

I just couldn't bear it. I was terrified that by dating Ryan, I would lose so much. I'll start feeling insecure and nervous that there's another girl waiting to take my spot, jealous if I see his interactions with other females, scared to lose myself by presenting a prettier, better version of me to him, nervous to break a mantra I pressed into my heart for ten-odd years.

But most of all, I was scared that I was setting myself up for another heartbreak.

I liked him. But did I love him? Love was the only thing that would make this all worth it.

I pushed the thought away. In my head, I decided to wipe the slate clean, pretend nothing happened between us. Ever. We would return to our easy, innocent friendship, except that it wouldn't be so easy and innocent anymore. I picture us both, so acutely aware of every accidental graze, every time our eyes meet, every conversation we will have speaking the words we don't really want to say.

A life of missed opportunities. A life of paranoia and worry and doubt.

Which did I really want?

The confusion and hurt and anger and sorrow piled in my head. My fingers tightened around the wheel and my knuckles turned white.

"BEEP!" A horn sounded, jolting me straight out of my thoughts. I glanced up and saw a huge truck coming straight towards me. Quickly, I swerved off to the right to avoid it, but what I missed was the road blockers lining the side.

My car hit them straight on, sending the vehicle flying. Suddenly the world was a blur and all I could hear was my screaming and the wreckage of the only thing that enclosed me.

My throat felt as if a strong fist was squeezing it tightly. My heart veered from beating quickly to stopping completely still. I couldn't see. I couldn't breathe.

What was happening?

I didn't brace myself for the impact as I landed on the ground hard. A warm, sticky liquid trickled down my temple and filled my eye. I smeared my fingertips across it and held out a trembling hand. Blood.

My leg, the one without the plaster cast, felt like it was twisted the wrong way. My injured ankle was pinned down by a section of wrecked car and presumbably, a fallen car door. If I didn't feel so weak, I would have screamed and screamed in pain.

It took all the energy in me just to writhe here and there to take in how badly hurt I was. Shards of glass pierced what seemed like reams of my flesh. Notably, there were deep gashes on my thighs that seemed to run for miles. And my head was absolutely killing me.

All I could do was stand still.

As I lay there, in my wreck of a car, I vaguely heard voices crying out for help and a ringing tone. I hoped someone was calling the ambulance, because hell, breathing took up what seemed like the weight of the world in strength for me.

As I turned to see how badly my car was wrecked, my fingers closed around a rectangular metal box. My iPhone.

If this was my dying moment, I had to tell him. I had to talk to Ryan one last time.

I somehow tapped the numbers in and waiting for the call to connect. Ryan picked up immediately. "Lilly! Lilly! Please come back, I'm so sorry. Lilly?"

The words were spoken in clear panic, but I was drifting in and out of consciousness and it all sounded so hazy. I had to say this fast.

"Ryan?" I asked. Wow, was that my voice? It sounded like gravel. "I...got in an accident. I'm really hurt. Like...really hurt." I winced at this tiny extertion of my body.

"Lilly? Where are you? Are you OK?" Ryan's voice raised up a notch. He sounded completely alarmed.

"I'll be fine." I respond weakly. I hope so anyway.

"Lilly? Lilly, please tell me where you are. I can't lose you."

If anything, this hurt more than the inflicted wounds.

I raised the corners of my cut lips into a smile. "Ryan. Don't look for me. Don't worry. I'll be fine. I was planning to ignore what happened. I was going to ruin us both. Because...I..."

Spots danced across my vision, and the world began to fade.

"Lilly? Lilly, talk to me! I can't lose you!"

"...love..."

The world quietened down. What? Where have the voices gone?

"....you."

There. Tears fell off my lashes, mixing with the blood on my cheeks.

And just before I crashed out, I think I hear Ryan's quiet, choked voice replying, "I love you too, Lilly."

And the world is now pitch black.