Obsessive Compulsions {OCD}

Obsessive Compulsions

It had just struck 10am. She locked and unlocked the window; 15 times, because she had to. She counted the number of sockets on the walls; 8 times, because she had to. She sprayed her perfume; 10 times, because she had to. She repeated this sequence; 3 times, because she had to. No one was forcing her to do these things, but her mum would die on her way home from work if she didn't complete them. Arielle did not understand why.

She would never understand why she felt the need to do these things. She knows nothing comes from unlocking a window 15 times. But ever since she was around 15 years old, 7 years ago, she felt the urge to count to number 43 in her head, every day, or else her elder sister would lose the baby she was carrying. The thoughts consumed every inch of her brain, until she counted, or else the baby would die. Arielle did not understand why.

As she grew older, the compulsions became worse. Sickening, you could call them. Pull out 4 of your arm hairs or else someone will murder you while you shower. She did not want to be murdered, so she pulled out 4 hairs. But what if she had accidently only pulled 3? Out came 4 more just in case. Seven minutes later she could not remember for sure if she had actually pulled them out. So out came 4 more. Just in case. Arielle did not understand why.

Soon her arms became hairless. Was murder imminent? No. She had 2 legs, and out came 8 hairs every day, for good measure. She did not want to be murdered. As the days passed, she began to think there was someone hiding behind the shower curtain plotting her death. So every day she checked behind the shower curtain 6 times every morning and 6 times every night. And pulled out 8 more hairs. Arielle did not understand why.

Four months later her sister had still not given birth. That's because her sister was only 5 months pregnant. But she thought it was because she had not been clapping her hands 7 times before lunch each day. How could she be so selfish? So she continued counting to 43 and clapping her hands 7 times. Because she did not want her niece to die. Arielle did not understand why.

By the age of 19 her compulsions had become unmanageable. She could only do things for a certain amount of time. A shower was to be had at 7:54am and finished by 8:12am. No earlier no later. Or all her hair would fall out. A glass of milk was to be drunk at 8:30am with her eyes closed. Or she would fail her exams. Every day. She still had to check behind the shower curtain 6 times every morning and every night. She hadn't been murdered yet. Arielle did not understand why.

Her parents had not noticed her compulsions as a teenager. They called them her quirks. She moved out a few months before her 19th birthday, into a two-story house in the city centre. It had 8 steps. Which she climbed twice after breakfast every day. Because she didn't want a burglar to steal her belongings at night. She knew this made no sense. Arielle did not understand why.

Her sister had given birth to a baby girl. Two years later doctors realised the baby needed glasses. This was because there must have been days where she miscounted to 43. So every day since, she has counted to 44, to make up for all the missed days. And she clapped 7 times before every lunch, as she must have missed some of them too. Arielle did not understand why.

At age 20 she decided to begin dating. She met a sweet boy at the café she counted the chairs in before walking to work. James thought she was an employee who was asked to count how many customers they had every morning. He took her on their first date to the cinema, where she combed her hair 50 times before entering the screen. If not the theatre would catch fire and everyone would die. Arielle did not understand why.

James was the first person to worry over her compulsions. Counting 17 pasta pieces so that she did not choke on an extra piece was not what regular people do. Mopping the floor 6 times because she may have missed a germ on the 5th was not what regular people do. He realized nothing she did was what regular people do. But she had been doing this all her life. Arielle did not understand why.

James decided to take her to a doctor. He explained to the doctor everything he had seen her do. She explained how she had been doing them since she was 15 years old. The doctor explained that he had seen these behaviours plenty of times before. They were not things regular people do. He explained to her what she was feeling. She began to understand why.

James then took her to therapy. The therapist began helping her deal with her behaviours. She helped her do other things instead of her compulsions. She told her to paint her nails instead of wash her hands 14 times. She told her to bake a cake instead of polish each table in the house twice. She found this impossible. Because Arielle suffered from OCD.

Eight months later, therapy was working. She was only allowed two 10 minute periods a day where she could perform her compulsions. She kept to these 10 minute periods. She started turning the handle on the door 6 times to make sure someone couldn't kill James in his sleep. The therapist told her no one wanted to kill James. But Arielle performed this behaviour, just in case. Because Arielle suffered from OCD.

At month thirteen she ran out of money to pay for therapy. James offered to pay as she was almost rid of all her compulsions. She was very grateful for James and his love. She promised that if he paid she would get rid of her compulsions. And she had. And James was very proud. But at night she secretly still turned the door handle 6 times to make sure someone couldn't kill James. Because Arielle suffered from OCD.

Four months later she finally realised no one wanted to kill James. No one wanted to break into her house. Her niece was healthy. She had killed all the germs after mopping once. The number of chairs in the café was not important. She would not choke on the 18th piece of pasta. She felt as she did before she was 15. Because Arielle used to suffer from OCD.

Seven months after that, they were walking home from their second anniversary dinner. She realised she loved James more than anything in the world. James had saved her from herself. He had saved her from 7 years of obsession. He helped her go to therapy every Tuesday and Thursday for 17 months. He helped her occupy her mind with other thoughts when she felt she needed to tap her fingers on the glass 16 times. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with James. Because OCD did not rule Arielle.

Six minutes later, walking past the bakery a man crashed into James. James was screaming. James had blood pouring from his abdomen. She called an ambulance. She was beginning to black out from the sight of the blood. She did not want James to die. It was her fault. It was because he was too good to her and she did not deserve him. It was because she turned the door handle 5 times instead of 6. Because Arielle was confused.

Three months later, it had just struck 10am. She locked and unlocked the window; 15 times, because she had to. She counted the number of sockets on the walls; 8 times, because she had to. She sprayed her perfume; 10 times, because she had to. She repeated this sequence; 3 times, because she had to. Something was forcing her to do these things, because James had died because she didn't. Arielle understood why. 

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