A Life Of Unkindness

Life In Reverse <<<

They say home is where the heart is, and that may be true for many. But for me it lies within someone that took my heart from me a long time ago and the truth is I never really got it back.

Her name was Peyton; Peyton Saywer. The girl who turned my world upside down more than once. The girl who made me believe their was such a thing as fate, or love. The girl who could describe a single song as if it were poetry.
This girl was alot of things but just being "that girl" will never be enough to describe Peyton and how she will always be my one true love,.... my first love,..... my everything.....

Many of you are familiar with our story and how it came to be the most epic of love stories a couple could have. But something's sadly don't last forever, and Peyton didn't get enough time. Time with me, time with Sawyer or time to be with the best group of friends this life has ever had to offer an individual.
It was so sudden, almost as if it were overnight. Peyton got sick and from there only got sicker. They found a lump in her left breast that had progressed to the size of a golf ball and it was too late for chemo, to late to save her. I fought and fought to find some kind of solution but there was none. It was the longest three months of my life watching the woman I love the most hurt so much and all they could do was ease the pain until it came back again then they'd ease it some more but it wasn't enough. My bestfriend, my wife, the mother of my child was here physically but not mentally. Watching her go through what felt like the most horrific things one could endure broke me, it shattered every piece of my heart for not just me but Sawyer too.

Heartbreaking enough, as her mother Ellie did Peyton passed. She wasn't strong enough to make it through the toughest battle she was given. Too young and with not enough time to enjoy her last days with her child or me. The sounds of her laugh echoes in our home to this day. Memories of love and heartbreak surround the walls we once built as a family. Together after all of those years of fighting what was inevitable. Our lives changed in an instant, looking back during that time in my life when everything was perfect before Peyton got sick.

Without doubt, I'd replay my life with Peyton over and over again if I could.  Just to see her face again, or feel her next to me at night would suffice.
Her records haven't been played since the day she left this world, but what I wouldn't do to hear them being played after a long day of work again. Or to hear her playing with Sawyer late at night after she thought I was asleep (which I would be most of the time until there uncontrollable laughter woke me up). I miss all these things and more, and nothing will ever change that so I rest assured in knowing my love, my wife, my soulmate is watching over Saywer and I until we are able to meet again.

It's been nine years, and I've come to realize that Tree Hill doesn't feel like home anymore. Not the way it used to, Sawyer is fourteen now and is so unbelievably beautiful just as her mother was but now that she's older I feel like it's time to move on, to the next chapter of our story. One where life begins again and the love continues, I just hope that I'm making the right decision. Cause Tree Hill is all Sawyer has ever known but there has to be more to this life now that Peyton is gone, and I feel that now more than ever is the right time to leave.