Landslide: Before (Book 1) (GirlxGirl / lesbian/ LGBTQ)

Chapter Five

Summary: The one where Emery's dad comes home 

FIVE

Sunday was my last day before I had to go back to work, it was also the day my dad, Parker, finally came home from his conference for professors. Charlie had to go to school for work to help with freshman orientation, which meant I was left to my own devices once again. I was lounging on the couch watching home improvement shows. Something about a broken home being turned into a beautiful one made feeling of hope stir within me. Plus, the people were obnoxious and entertaining to watch.

I was yelling at the TV when my dad walked through the front door, his duffle and briefcase in his hands. He stepped into the living room and dropped his bags on the floor. A lazy smile spread across his face as he came over to me.

"Enjoying your show I see," My dad said plopping down next to me and kissing my forehead. His dress pants were wrinkled from traveling and his tie loosened around his neck. He had smiling lines on his face paired with wrinkles and his brown hair peppered with gray gave away his age. I had missed him while he was at his conference. Mostly because he was kinder than my mother and far more understanding.

"How was your conference, dad?" I asked turning the TV down. He let out an exasperated sigh.

"It was excellent, but entirely too long for my taste," He answered. "I missed my girls while I was away. Are you all doing well?"

"Mom is fine as usual, she's been working a lot of long shifts so I haven't seen her that much. Charlie has been working at the school for the past couple weeks, she can probably fill you in better than I can. But they're both doing well." He was turned on the couch, his body facing mine and I felt small under his gaze.

"And how are you, Emmie girl?" He inquired but I couldn't find the words to tell him how I was. A part of me wanted to lie to him, to pretend everything was perfect; that my job was great, that I was excited for school, that I was going to join all these club and put myself out there, that Sawyer was still the amazing girlfriend everyone - including myself - believed she was. I couldn't tell him that every breath I took made my chest hurt. I couldn't tell him how whenever I closed my eyes all I could see what Sawyer's lips on another girls. I couldn't tell him that whenever I talked to mom she would just tear my down. I couldn't tell him that I felt empty inside. I couldn't tell him that nothing was okay or that the contents of my life were haphazardly thrown around and left me standing in the middle of a complete and utter mess.

Instead, I smiled and said, "I'm good, everything has been pretty quiet around here lately." He nodded thoughtfully.

"I'm glad, honey," My dad smiled at me, "Why don't we go grab lunch somewhere? We could have an Emmie and Dad day like we used to do when you were younger."

"Sure, what did you have in mind?"

"We could go down to Shorecliff and grab a bite to eat on the boardwalk," He stood up from the couch, "I'll go change and we can meet at the car in a few minutes, sound good?" I nodded and he kissed my forehead again.

***

A few hours later, we had finished lunch and were sitting on a bench on the pier. We had lunch at a seafood restaurant that he swore had the best lobster. He was not wrong. Now we sat watching people walk by as we ate our ice cream. I watched as couples walked by laughing happily and holding hands. I felt a pang in my chest as the feeling of missing Sawyer welling up deep inside me. A shaky breath slid past my lips. I willed myself to stop thinking about it. But the hamster wheel of thoughts was already turning rapidly in my mind. Right before I completely lost the battle my dad spoke up.

"Are you excited for school to start, Emmie?" He asked, turning to look at me. I tried to shake the feeling of panic from my body. The idea of school starting set another hamster wheel of thought into motion. Not only did I have to endure the school year with this broken heart but I also had to figure out my future and please my mother all at once.

I forced myself to smile, "Yeah, I can't wait to get back into the routine. I'm thinking about joining the yearbook, and maybe some other clubs."

"That's great, honey, but don't overwhelm yourself. You're allowed to have fun too," His words kinder than my mother's intense tone. He never pushed me into things that would make me unhappy, he had always supported me while being a tough parent. "Are you still at the dog shelter?"

"Yeah, I got a promotion and a pay raise, which I'm really excited about."

"What does your promotion entail?"

"The same stuff as usual, but I also get to train the new hires," I smile proudly.

"That's amazing, Emmie!" He beamed back at me, "I'm happy you're making yourself vital to their operation," My dad said. "That's a key piece of making it in this world. Make yourself so crucial to the business that they can never get rid of you."

"I have been," I muttered.

"But don't forget that the dog shelter isn't your life, Emery. You can do better than that and make it bigger in other place." I nodded, not looking him directly in the eye.

"I'm happy there," I said.

"I know, but you also have to think about your future. Is working with animals something you want to turn into a career?"

"I don't know..." I whispered.

"Now is the time to be thinking about it, Emery. Your mother and I have been clueless as to what you want to do with your life and it's worrying us. Charlie has it all figured out, we thought you would too," He said a faint his a disapproval in his voice. "I know it's hard, kiddo. Just try to put more thought into it, I believe in you, you just have to believe in yourself too." He kissed my forehead comfortingly and we continued to eat our ice cream in silence. I appreciated it.

There were so many thoughts swirling in a vortex inside my head it would be nearly impossible to have a conversation. My eyes found one of the couples that walked by earlier, they had made their way to the end of the boardwalk and were now heading back this way. They were looking at each other lovingly without a single worry in the world. I wanted that back. I wanted that love that I didn't question. Now I felt sick to my stomach whenever I thought of how much I loved Sawyer. Every single memory I had of us in my head was tainted with suspicion and hurt. There was a time where I never would have questioned her fidelity. Now I'm left with the nagging feeling that this may not have been the first time she cheated on me.

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask you, how's Sawyer?" My dad's voice cut through my thoughts like a knife. I tried to hide my flinch.

"Uh," I started as I searched my brain for an acceptable answer. "She's great, she just got back from her Europe trip. We hadn't had a chance to catch up yet, but I'm sure she'll be around soon." He nodded approvingly.

"Good, good, she's a great kid. You lucked out finding someone like Sawyer. Don't let her get away." I swallowed hard, clenching my jaw shut to keep from screaming. I wanted to run, but I stayed frozen.

"Yeah," I said off handedly. Shortly after our conversation, my dad decided to take us home. I thanked my lucky stars because I didn't think I could handle another second of this. It was naïve of me to think that I could have a day without dark thoughts swirling through my mind. I found myself wondering if the pain in my chest would lessen or if there will ever be a day where Sawyer would consume my mind. Would it ever get easier?