Reasons » yoonmin

Chapter 5

"Peacefully quiet," Jimin muttered to himself in such a tone of voice it couldn't be heard through the thin walls or the door of his room. He was pacing back and forth. He was almost painfully aware of the pain starting to form in the area of his chest; the familiar yet very unwished guest of his. He let himself fall on his messy bed, sighing. A curse word or two fluttered out of his mouth.

Jimin was at a loss. He let himself wonder whether he should go for a walk, and imagined how his cocky roommate would react to him pleading for some kind of a conversation to distract himself from whatever was in his mind. Destroying his castle.

The front door was opened with a bang and a pair of slightly worn out sneakers led out the way from the apartment, the door slamming shut behind, echoing in the hall. A woman holding a small child's hand dodged the rude person and Jimin was sure he heard her cuss at him, her voice leaking surprise and he reckoned, hate. Everyone hated him. Everyone hated Jimin! He couldn't stop a sob. He couldn't hold his small body together. It felt like it was so weak it could easily split into two and then melt away, into a puddle of sadness. Maybe someone unlucky would step on it and try to brush the gross liquid from the bottom of their new shoes onto the worn out carpet - that's how he felt.

Jimin almost ran through the glassy front door, stopping as his arms instinctively reached outwards and touched the glass before his face could manage. He pushed it open; or tried, he suddenly forgetting about how the door functioned in this house, like it was a new one. Why did it have to be so complicated? He just wanted to sink on the floor and cry, for no reason at all.

Jimin's legs were trembling as if he'd finished a marathon as his fingers fumbled to find the lock and somehow twisting it, forced himself outside, know completely lost. Where would he go? People would see him, crying, an adult man, lost in his tears, lost in emotions, he felt so stupid, and miserable, and -

"Jimin!" yelled a voice from his right side, him quickly turning his head into the direction of the sound without thinking. It was none other than Taehyung; his old friend who could've been compared to the word "sunshine" in the dictionary. He was wearing a happy grin on his face, his eyes gleaming at his friend who he hadn't seen in a while indeed, due to Jimin's recent ignoring of text messages and calls.

He shuddered at the rushing thought of meeting his happiest of a friend in a condition like this, but had no way of escaping. Whipping around he dried his eyes on his shirt's sleeves and plastered a gentle smile on his face, turning to greet Taehyung.

As soon as his steps reached Jimin, Taehyung's eyes examined him for a swift moment, the shine of his eyes disappearing partly, turning into concern. Jimin wanted nothing more than to run away, he didn't want someone like Taehyung, or anyone to see him in such condition.

"What's up, Jimin?" Taehyung asked casually, still having a pure smile on his lips, not expressing much worry, but his eyes told otherwise.

Jimin said nothing at first, gathering his breath so his voice wouldn't come out weak and shaky.

"Nothing," he said as casually as he could muster, his voice trembling a little bit. "How're you?" he continued, really, really, begging he'd be told the other one was busy running an errand, or going to meet Yoongi, or -

No! He couldn't go to meet Yoongi, he'd talk about Jimin! Jimin imagined the scenery unwillingly in his head, a lurching feeling in his stomach.

"So what's up?" Yoongi would ask Taehyung, slouched on the couch, the other joining him, the other creating a weak and a rather pitying look, maybe with a hint of disgust at Yoongi. "Your roommate, that Jimin, he's unstable," he'd scoff, his voice stern yet light-hearted. "Was crying outside. What a mess. Are you sure he's not going to kill you in your sleep?" He'd say.

"Or hit you? Or kick you?" he'd continue, his eyes squinting at the absolutely sickening taste of Jimin's name on his tongue, "isn't he a maniac already?"

"Nauseating, I don't even want to hear his n-"

"Jimin!" Yoongi's voice called at the same time as the glass door creaked open behind Jimin.

Jimin's eyes widened. Had Taehyung answered his question? Was Yoongi here with them? Soon to look at him, internally laugh at his misery, his self-loathing of crying in the middle of a street, running out of the apartment? Like wanting to run away from himself? His thoughts?

He lowered his gaze, shaking his head as unnoticeably as he could muster, trying to hide his watering eyes behind his fringe. It wouldn't help, at all, he knew, but still tried.

"Why did you run out like that?" Yoongi blurted out, not understanding the situation as Taehyung was there as well, Jimin feeling positively like his mind was shattering into pieces and his sanity was leaving him. He tried his best, he had tried his damn best, but here he was, standing outside, centered by a friend and a roommate, the other was absolute definition of brightness and the other was trying to cheer him up, he supposed, but it only made him cry harder, it hadn't helped, how would Yoongi feel about it now -

And tears rolled down Jimin's cheeks, he couldn't stop a sob, or another, and he was so very ashamed of it he could feel his knees almost give up and he covered his face with his hands, not knowing where to go.

"Oh sh-" Yoongi's voice said in almost a sorrowful tone, maybe he was looking at Taehyung in surprise, but he didn't know what to say, did he? Neither did Jimin. He felt so tired for no reason. Would he be able to walk back upstairs? To face the loneliness of his room again? But would he be able to look his roommate in the eye ever again?

The familiar, almost comforting scent of coffee hovered in the air as Jimin was warming himself up under a fluffy white blanket, his legs up, propped right up to his body. He fidgeted with the edge of it.

Taehyung was sitting next to him, his larger body and positive, trustworthy feeling that always liked to follow him offered Jimin some kind of feeling of safety, making him feel like this wouldn't be the end of the world. He didn't want to sit next to Yoongi. He wouldn't want to hear any snickering about this when his roommate would be drunk again, he didn't want to see any pitying looks of the other. Taehyung just seemed to understand the emotional world a lot better than Yoongi ever did.

"What happened?" Taehyung asked, sipping his coffee, which he preferred with a lot of milk and some sugar. Yoongi was also handling a mug, but Jimin had refused to have any coffee. He didn't want to be exposed enough to hold a mug.

Jimin had a second of thinking but couldn't come up with anything smart to say, anything that wouldn't have a word in it that would be thought of otherwise as he meant to, which would make him sound more weak or angry. Maybe he wanted to sound angry. So that they wouldn't want to ask any questions.

"Nothing," Jimin ended up muttering, not trusting Yoongi enough to spill out whatever was bothering him - he himself actually had no idea what it was exactly, but if he'd start talking, it would all pour out like a waterfall and ironically enough, his face would become a waterfall as well, his eyes not controlling themselves.

"Huh," Yoongi huffed, which sounded way too much like criticizing to Jimin and he had to control a sudden urge of yelling at Yoongi, exploding at him.

But he remained still and silent, wiping away a stray tear that escaped from his eye. Great, he thought, now he was so angry he was crying.

And he gripped the edge of the blanket a bit harder, suppressing a need to scream yet again.

"I'm going to bed." He murmured suddenly.

"What? It's only 8 p-" Yoongi started, but was stopped by Taehyung, who cleared his throat.

"Good night, Jimin," Taehyung said with a more gentle voice as he had silenced Yoongi and as Jimin unwrapped himself from the blanket and careful to not to trip got up from the seat, gave a look at Taehyung letting him know he acknowledged his kind words and then ghosted away like he hadn't even been there, the only evidence being the lingering warmth of the blanket.

"What was all that about..." Yoongi said quietly, creating a questioning look at Taehyung, who looked back at Yoongi with a stern look. "Give him space. He's going through something."