personal works.

september

i hate september.

september, for me, is when everything becomes messy. not only family-wise, but with my emotions, schooling, and my friendships. it's this month in particular that i start to lose people, miss people, love people, resent people.

although i don't have an amazing memory, i'd like to say this happens annually. these nights that i spend crying about people that, even though they're 'bad,' i miss our memories together.

at the beginning of this year, i obtained a new friend, one who would usually just be an 'acquaintance' sort of friend. but we even got accustomed to each other in the short span of that bland but stimulating first semester; we were comfortable for the second semester.

however, her, out of all people, was able to push me to do things i would (quite literally) never do - like using my voice and joining that musical - that plain old musical that had not only a huge impact on my confidence, but my emotions about things. for some odd reason, i am finally able to blur out the wrong she's done however, and remember our inside jokes that presumably couldn't get old. she was the type of person that, once affiliated with, you'd always have a piece of her with you. perhaps that's why she's out of my reach now. over the summer we slowly refrained from talking to each other, perhaps because of another person. 

anyhow; she is not the reason i thought to write this - although i truly miss her stupid smiles and scrambled egg jokes. it's really to remind myself to open my mind up more. approach things with less coldness, but keep a stable morality. i get inside my head by having strong opinions about things, but end up having meltdowns much later because i realize i wasn't doing the best i could for myself with the people i surrounded myself in. 

future you: with that, remember to cherish what you have right now, and don't jump to conclusions. at the end of the day, your own happiness and opinions are up to you - influences from other people should be evaluated, but reconstructed. don't just hate someone because your best friend hates the person.