personal works.

my dearest friend

my dearest friend ::

(A/N: lmao I chose this picture aesthetic because Ella from Starbuk is the best)

tbh you know who you are

Where do I begin? I'm honestly writing this here, with so many things I have thought about writing, but I suddenly can't even express the thoughts.

Back when I had first met you, I didn't really expect we would become close friends. I always thought you'd be like a secondary friend to me, like I would be a last option. At the time, however, I didn't really mind. I was worried about other people.

But once we actually did get close, it was kind of like I had found the other three people that were going to make me feel complete. Little did I know, two of the three have slipped from my hands.

Once the next school-year rolled around, we were split up. For the first part of the year, we remained relatively close. I still remember our sleepovers together, the echoes of our obnoxious laughs piercing the silence of the sleeping house. It was two in the morning, but we went with it.

If I were to look back at seventh grade year, there would be two ways to think back. I could either focus on all of the depressing stuff - the drama, the tears, the anger, all bottled up inside - or I can think about all of my mistakes, and how I am so different from back then.

I've learned from my mistakes. I have a better understanding at how some people work, and that I was generally happy. Even though, somehow, we gradually stopped talking, it was for the best. Even though I don't really understand why, everything happens for a reason.

Over that summer I had time to rethink what was going on. I really thought t he friends I had over you were the 'better choice.' Convinced that they would always be there for me, through thick and thin, but deep down - I really knew that they couldn't support me like that. I saw the signs, I knew how they worked. But still I remained to stick up for them, and take their side.

All in all, I learned how to retain myself from these kinds of mistakes. I'm slowly giving less and less of my heart away, which can be a good thing.

When this school-year rolled around, I was anxious when I saw you, sitting next to Brooklyn in our math class. Though I knew there would have been some tension, I was relaxed. Eventually, our spark just connected once again.

But, at that time, I had a mindset that we would never be as close as we used to be. I didn't really even know if I had hurt you, I just couldn't tell how you felt.

But now we're here. The friends that I had thought would stick up for me as I did them have now fell from my reach.

You were even there. It was over a stupid reason. Although I essentially wronged someone, it was a mistake that led me to you. I lost her trust so I can open my eyes to a new kind of friendship with you guys.

Though this might sound melodramatic, you guys really did open my narrow mind into a new perspective of how I live life. Sure, I constantly talk about wanting to die, but why wasn't I given the courage to just kill myself? We just have to keep trying. You taught me not to give up so easily. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be so happy with my life, and my friends.

Honesty, I don't even know what this is about. I don't even think it has much to do with Kyler. I know if I continue and talk about Colorado or even Wilbur I might just get emotional. I am so happy with all of the memories I have made with you, good or bad.

I guess I just wanted to say thank you. Thanks for being there for me, for every annoying text to an unexpected call. Half of the time it's just nice to hear your voice.

Okay I need 2 chill I'm crying banana tears

yours, tay