Absolute Zero ||Lemon SasuIchi Oneshots|| 18+

Unicorns

A/N: I had zero plot or title for this thing, so my sincerest apologies to any confused readers. Don't mind me, just trying to force myself through the writer's block so that I can work on some lemons.... So this is just a comedy oneshot and not a lemon. Sorry for the disappointment!

It was a fairly normal day at the local ninja academy, which wasn't saying much as there was an Uchiha present. Unicorns didn't prance about, the lone survivor of the gory massacre simply sat at his seat and paid close attention to whatever came out of his teacher's mouth. He needed to learn as much as he could in order to become stronger, so that he could avenge his clan by killing off his last known relative because said family member was the person behind the genocide. Sasuke narrowed his obsidian eyes, further preventing any unicorns to come strolling by because they don't like being glared at due to being extremely shy creatures, and thought about his revenge. Perhaps he should show off his pregnant wife to Itachi before fighting him to the death? Oh wait, he didn't have one of those.

Sasuke pondered riding a unicorn into battle, if only to throw off his criminal of an older brother. He voted against it, as unicorns were not manly. A dragon would be better, especially if it had like eight hands and three tongues per head. Smiling smugly, the Uchiha pictured his brother's shocked expression and begun to doodle the scene that played out in his head. If it were to made into movie, Sasuke wanted James Cameron or the dude behind "Game of Thrones" to direct it as they were well known for their impressive use of CGI.

His excellent fingers worked with the pencil, carefully crafting the image in his mind onto the parchment. He, however, got stuck on a part of it. Sasuke was diligently depicting his thoroughly deceased brother and he himself standing triumphant with his very pregnant wife by his side, but it's that last detail that was giving him trouble. The poor guy didn't know who tf to make his bride.

Sakura Haruno was dating Rock Lee, Hinata Hyūga was with Naruto Uzumaki, and Ino Yamanaka was trying to get that pale guy called Sai to notice her.

Sasuke looked around the room now, frowning.

TenTen and Neji were a couple, which took all of the present females out of the equation.

Sasuke considered having some auditions, but voted against it as that would be too tedious.

A nervous unicorn peeped through the window, wanting so dearly to gallop through the halls. He noticed Sasuke, though, and immediately shook his head at his herd. They fled before Sasuke could notice them, seeking out different schools in which to roam.

In the meantime, class had ended and Sasuke was still curious as to whom he should impregnate.

"How was school?"

Sasuke glanced up at the feminine voice, his gaze locking on Miyukki Haruno. She was hugging her younger sister and smiling proudly at the small kunoichi.

He briefly considered it, but almost immediately rejected the idea.

"Nee-chan, why'd you bring her again?" Sakura pouted, pointing at a small figure behind Miyukki.

"Kuran-chan wanted to see you," Miyukki sighed.

"Her eyes are scary!"

Sasuke glanced at the little girl, figuring that she was at least two years younger than himself. He stroked his chin and contemplated, looking over the Kuran from afar to inspect for flaws.

"They are not."

Ichiki Kuran smiled up at Miyukki and Sakura, looking like the perfect picture of innocence. Then she set everyone around her on fire except for the unicorns, on which she fled the scene of her crime and with whom she went into hiding. Ichiki changed her name and used the transformation jutsu, claiming to be an orphan from Getsukagure.

Sasuke Uchiha managed to survive, but he never saw her again... it might've been because he was allergic to unicorns, whom had made the raven haired lass their leader.