Resisting Temptation

Chapter 5

Kayla in the Media

After replaying Trey's words in my head I realized what he must've thought, how he must've felt, when he saw me kissing Brendan.

I had to tell him how I really felt or he'd keep thinking I played him.

But, hell, can I do it?

I'd never been good at expressing my feelings. It was a foreign concept to me. But I had to. And I would.

I pulled out my phone to call him but realized he probably wouldn't answer for me. So I texted him.

Me: What you said back at the mall wasn't true. I didn't lead you on. I feel the same way you do, if not more.

I waited thirty minutes and got no reply. It was only three in the afternoon so he couldn't be too busy.

Me: Can you please talk to me.

Another thirty minutes passed.

Me: Nigga stop ignoring me, this shit hurts.

After that one I finally got a reply.

Trey: Ma, does it really hurt, and do you really care?

Me: Yes. G shit. I didn't even ask Brendan to kiss me, he caught me off guard.

Trey: Even if he did, the question is did you want it?

His question caught me off guard. I knew I wanted it, but I knew that telling him that was a bad idea. But, I didn't want to lie to him either.

Me: I like you both.

That was the most truthful response I could give him without going into too much detail and fucking shit up.

He didn't text back for a while and I thought maybe he wouldn't. But twenty minutes later his text came.

Trey: Who do you like more?

The answer to that question was simple, but not easy.

Me: I ask myself that all the time.

***

Around midnight I woke up to the sound of my cell phone ringing. I groggily answered the phone not bothering to check to see who was calling.

"Hello?"

"Kay, you sleep?" Brendan's deep voice asked me.

"Not anymore," I said sarcastically.

I heard him mutter a curse, "Shit. My bad, ma. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Well I'm up now so what did you call for?" I yawned.

"You sound tired."

"Well these past few days aine been a cakewalk ya' know."

"Yeah, I get it," he sighed, "Look I'm sorry for springing that kiss on you like that."

I was wide awake now, "Bren it's ok-"

He cut me off, "No it's not, I knew you liked that nigga but still I kissed you and put you in that position."

"But I never said I didn't want it, Bren."

The line was silent for a minute.

"You mean, you feelin' me too?" he sounded surprised.

I laughed, "Hell, wasn't it obvious?"

He chuckled, "Not really, I always felt like the only person you wanted was Trey."

"Yeah, I'm starting to realize a lot of people thought that."

We were silent for a while, letting it all sink in.

"So, what you gon' do?" he asked cautiously.

"I don't know. It's hard"

"Just answer this question for me, ma. Do you love him?"

I was immobilized. I didn't expect that question.

But the thing about it was that, I had asked myself that same question many times before. About both of them, actually. So I answered him with the conclusion I had come to every time.

"I don't know."

He sighed, "Well do you love me?" He sounded hopeful.

Truthfully I answered again, "I don't know."

I'd answered him truthfully, but I had left part of the truth out. Truth was:

"I don't know, I think so."

But I wouldn't tell him that last part. It would give him too much hope. With high hopes comes high expectations. And I wouldn't wanna deliver less than he had expected.

"Well, when you find out. I wanna be the first to know." He said this sounding resigned.

But then something came back to me. The day Trey kissed me, I'd seen Brendan in the hallway flirting with Sariah Smith.

What's going on there?

"You got something going on with Sariah Smith?" I asked in a small voice, afraid of the answer.

"No I promise you, Angel, it's only you."

I was taken aback. "You just called me Angel?"

I lit up on the inside when he called me Angel. It was the sweetest, most innocent, pet name he could have given me. For a nigga like Brendan, with all his pride and manliness, you would never expect him to give you a pet name. I was happy as hell.

It really is only me.

"Because, that's what you are. My angel. My light in the middle of all of the darkness."

Well damn.

"What you saying that for, ma?" he asked sounding amused.

I said that out loud?

I was starting to unconsciously let my guard down around him. That wasn't easy for me to do. It showed how much he meant to me and how comfortable I felt around him.

"Because I never pegged you as the romantic type." I responded to his question.

"Neither did I," he sounded surprised at himself.

"I promise."

"You promise what?"

"You'll be the first to know when I find out if I love you. Now promise me."

"I promise," he said it like he meant it with all of his heart. "Goodnight, Angel."

"Goodnight."