People don't know how it feels to loose someone you never got to say goodbye too, someone you love, someone who has been with you since day one. The person you tell all your dirty little secrets too, the person that knows if you are feeling down and need a shoulder to cry on. People don't understand the pain you feel everyday, every single second of every single day. The pain is like having someone taking away your voice. It's like you want to scream out how you feel but you can't, but you can feel it. You can feel the pain and regret and loneliness. Sometimes it gets to much for you, so you go and run and cry. All you can do is cry and blame yourself for them passing away. Even if it was a natural death, there is still the little voice in your head that tells you every second, you could have done something different to have prevent that. Some days, that little voice gets so loud you just want to die. You can't get the voice to stop nagging you, all it says is "It's your fault, it always will be your fault." And when you think of taking your own life, you can hear the voice say, "Do it." But you know if you do, there is gonna be so much pain and suffering for other people that care about you. So you just sit in bed with that voice, nagging you for hours. You just sit there and cry and say to yourself, "I'm sorry, it's all my fault." You say it out loud hoping the person that passed can still hear you, you hope if you say it loud enough that the person will tell you they forgive you. But that voice is so loud you can't hear anything, all you hear is that voice. And that voice is the reason why you can't forgive yourself. You never said goodbye, so you blame yourself for everything. You told that person, I will see you later. But that later will be years. You can't forgive yourself, you didn't go see them, and you didn't say goodbye. That's what is gonna kill you slowly until it eventually does kill you.
