Paperless

|1| strike

"It was your fault! If you were out so busy with work maybe I wouldn't be such a miserable wife!"

The walls echoed. They rumbled and shook hard for the second night in the row. Father's voice boomed with another nasty remark towards Mother. Julia quickly sat up in her bed, knees pressed to her chest.

"I'm doing the lord's work!" He shouted.

Julia almost laughed at his notorious excuse. Father was always doing the lord's work and could never do wrong.

He didn't come home the night before? The Lord's work. He wasn't on time for dinner? The lord's work. He came home smelling like wine? The lord's work. He was always doing the lord's work that if he did anymore of his job the world would fall into a state of disgrace.

"Bullshit!" She yelled.

Father was not only a pastor, but own the largest vineyard and winery in Napa county. He preached how he owed every single success to God. Every Sunday he told every single broke man that if he prayed a little harder, donated a little more, that they could have success just like him. And boy, did they eat that shit up.

Julia buried her head underneath her pillow. She screamed into the mattress for them to stop. She tried to think happy thoughts. School started on Monday. She was finally going to be a junior. Two more years of high school before she could start art school in Los Angeles.

Father forbid her to ever step foot in LA, or to even attend college. He wanted her to settle down and be a wife to a man he chose. Julia couldn't fathom the idea of even loving a man. She peered up to her ceiling. The screaming and finally died down to bickering.

"Loving a man, being a wife, a mother.." she pondered the unthinkable. "What for? To yell and be unloved like my parents? No."

Father couldn't make her do it. Could he? She shook her head at the thought. She reached for the sketchbook underneath her bed and grabbed the flashlight off her nightstand. Flipping through to the latest piece she struggled on, a self portrait.

It was funny how she had been stuck with the same face all her life, but yet had not the slightest clue of what she looked like. She could peer in the mirror all day and stare herself down, but it didn't help. She couldn't get her nose right nor the way her hair frizzed on hot summer day. She couldn't dare to draw how bloated her stomach got after dinner. But why?

Because she could only draw things that she found beautiful. She slipped out of bed and walked over to her mirror that hung on the wall. She pinched her rosy cheeks. She pinched the fat on her stomach, the meat on her thighs. Everyone said she was normal, but yet she could only tear away the dirty blonde girl who stared back at her in the mirror.

"Julia?" The door swung open. Mother stood in her pink robe and white slippers. Rollers were pinned neatly in her dark brown hair. She stood there in the doorway with her arms crossed her chest. "It's almost midnight. Why are you awake?"

Julia jumped at the sight of her mom. She shook her head and cleared her throat,"I.. I couldn't sleep."

Mother shut the door behind her. She watched her daughter awkwardly scurry under the sheets. Mother sighed softly. Julia felt her mother take a sit at the foot of her bed.

The moonlight peaked passed her sheer curtain   It shined down on Mother's face. She took note of her puffy eyes and red nose. She knew she had been crying. It seemed more often now.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I know you heard your father and I fighting."

"Mom, it's okay." Julia said. "What happened?"

Her mother almost laughed at the thought of her venting to her daughter, but paused when she realized that Julia was the only one she had.

Mother placed her hands on her face as if she was trying to hold herself together. A long frown drawn on her lips,"There's been a workers strike in Arizona at one of the wineries your father's friend owns. They want rights and more pay for their work. It's was in the paper today. I told your father that he should think about maybe raising pay or supplying water, maybe something to eat to the workers before they get any ideas of going on strike."

The feeling in the room began to change. It was like an elephant in the room. A strike?

"You mean bribing them? What did Father say?" Julia sat up in her bed.

"That they can barely speak English yet alone read the damn paper. He told me to stay out of his business, that why would he raise their pay when it means less money to the church."

It wasn't right. Mother's words sat wrong in her heart. How could a man say he loved God, but yet deny basic humanity to the ones who gave him his fortune?

Mother shrugged,"But, it's not your business either. So just don't say I said anything, okay?"

Julia gave her a quick nod.

"Goodnight sweetheart," her mother squeezed her ankle before leaving Julia's bedside. The door softly clicked shut. Julia took a deep breath. The air in the room suddenly felt thick.

A heavy feeling weighed down on her chest. She placed her hand on her heart to check if she was breathing. She couldn't breathe.

She pulled the collar of her pijamas that felt too tight around her neck. She took a slow deep breath. "What the hell is wrong with me?" She whispered.

A loud bang startled her even more. The window panel swung open from a rare gust of wind. The sheer white curtains blew with the hot summer air.

Julia didn't know it at the time, but now she thinks back to that time. It was almost as if the universe was warning her that something was coming. It was debate on rather it was good or bad sometimes the answer depend on the day. But if only she knew how much her life was going to change.