Pictures of You

Spider!

From the tumblr of some-imaginative-otp-imagines:    Which one screams about the spider and which one takes the spider outside?

***

"I'm gonna go take a shower."

"Go for it." Ziva walked him walk down the hall and turn into the bedroom before she sat down at the table.

She opened the book she left there earlier and flipped to the right page. 

She was barely a sentence in when she heard Tony's yelp.

Immediately she was on her feet and moving down the hall with her gun out in front of her.

What the heck was it this time?

The bathroom door was shut, but she cared very little for privacy if something was wrong.

"Tony?" she asked, listening.

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

"I mean... Sure, if you really want to, that'd be great..."

She lowered her gun and carefully turned the doorknob. She really had no idea what to expect.

Oh.

"Tony!"

"Sorry!" He hastily grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist. "Sorry."

She stared at him, standing on the toilet lid. "Why are you...?"

He pointed at the floor.

"Really?" She almost laughed.

There was a little spider on the tile, hardly bigger than a dime.

"It's huge!"

"It is not. It is tiny. Very tiny."

Tony offered her a Kleenex, and she frowned. 

"Why are you handing me that?"

"So you can kill it."

"I am not going to kill it. It is not hurting you, Tony."

"You can say that if you want, but I'm still having heart palpitations. I could have died."

"But you did not."

"Kill it."

"If you want it dead, you will have to do it yourself."

"Fine." Tony started to step down, but then the spider moved a couple inches and he yelped again, drawing his foot back up. "Ziva!"

She couldn't help it. She had to laugh.

"Come on, Ziva... Please?"

She shook her head and walked out of the bathroom in search of a scrap of paper.

"Ziva, please! Don't leave me in here with this monster!"

Men.

Once she found an index card, she returned to the bathroom. "Hand me a dixie cup, Tony."

"How can you drink at a time like this?" he asked, carefully reaching over to give the paper cup to her.

"It is not for me. It is for the spider."

"For the spider. Great. You're going to give it a drink. What's next? You going to feed it, too?"

She rolled her eyes. "I am going to put it in the cup and take it outside."

"Oh."

"Is that alright?" she asked, holding back her exasperation.

"Yeah, I guess so. Just don't release nearby. It might try to get back in."

"It is not you, Tony." She stooped and dropped the cup over the spider. She carefully slid the index card between the cup and the floor, trapping the spider. "Either put some clothes on or get in the shower."

"Hey. I would already be done showering if not for that beast."

"It is a little spider. Do not be such a baby." 

"It's a big spider!" he called after her.

***

Tony slid his desk drawer open. He wanted a pen, but a pencil would do.

Where'd his black pen go?

"Ziva, have you seen-"

"Did you check in the second drawer?" she asked, not even looking up from filing her nails.

He sighed. He yanked the second drawer open and immediately recoiled. 

"What?" Ziva asked, sounding a little too innocent.

"There's a spider..." He carefully leaned over the drawer again, bravely taking a second look at the monster. "Wait."

"For?"

"Wait a minute." He reached in and picked up the plastic spider. "If this was your doing, Ziva David, I'm going to make your life miserable."

"Why would you think I did it?" She widened her eyes, and he'd almost believe her to be uninvolved if not for the spider incident yesterday. She was the only one who knew about that.

"Hm. Let me think," he said sarcastically.

"I swear it was not me."

"Sorry, not sorry, I don't believe you."

"What don't you believe?" McGee asked, walking over from the elevator.

"Ziva. She says she had nothing to do with this spider in my desk."

"If she says she had nothing to do with it, I'd believe her. Ziva wouldn't lie."

Ziva gave a triumphant grin at that. "McGee believes me."

"I don't trust either of you," Tony said. He walked around his desk to stand right in front of McGee. "It has to be one of you."

"I don't know what you're talking about." McGee's face didn't give anything away.

"I need coffee." Tony pushed past him to the elevator, which was just opening.

Before he could stop himself, Tony crashed right into Gibbs and his sacred coffee. He had the fleeting 'oh, crap' thought before it was overridden by 'SPIDERS.'

Making a noise than cannot be translated to paper, he stumbled backwards, desperately trying to get the spiders off him.

After a few of the scariest seconds of his life, he realized Gibbs was laughing. And then he realized that what he thought were spiders were actually just plastic spiders. Exactly like the one in his desk.

"Boss?" Tony whimpered before darting around him to get into the elevator.

The others were still laughing as the doors slid shut.

*****

That was funny.

To me, anyway. Although I also really hate spiders.

Do you hate spiders?

Vote if you liked it! And feel free to comment! I'll take your suggestions!