Taivon: Book Three of the Cantrell Brothers Series

Chapter Twelve

Taivon wiped at his eyes, praying that Alix didn't see. She was on the other side of the blanket, only a foot of space between them. Her dark eyes no longer looked at him but rather, at the movie screen.The popcorn lay untouched at her side, and it reminded him of the kiss they'd just shared.

Lips soft and tongue skillful, Alix was a good kisser. She'd made him want more than just a kiss – made him want something that involved every part of the body. That was what had shocked him the most. Only one other time in his life had he wanted to make love as bad as he had just moments ago.

That one other time had been with Holly, but that wasn't what now had moisture swelling in his eyes. No, it was the fact that he wanted Alix so soon. The lust that'd raged through his system had shocked him to the point of flat out scaring him.

He wanted Alix so badly that his insides hurt with it.

The hurt had all but ripped him in two. It'd teamed up with the guilt and the scared, until he'd been filled with nothing else. The ringing was out of his ears now, but Taivon still felt he was about to burst any second. Every breath burned his lungs, and every movement hurt his bones.

“Hey,” Alix said, softly, and reached for his hand.

Taivon gave it to her, watching in an almost comatose state as she twined their fingers together. Her painted nails had a delicate black swirl in the midst of the white. He felt like that black swirl, always within things that were pure. Things that were naïve.

She may not think it, but Alix was naïve. Innocent. She knew nothing about the real reason he was with her. Alix put her hope in him and liked him as more than just a friend. He didn't deserve that trust. He was that black swirl, his dark secret tainting everything he was.

“Hey,” he said.

“Are you feeling alright?”

He tried a smile, but it felt strained. “Just fine.”

“Do you have a headache again?”

The genuine concern in her eyes ate at him. How would she feel? How would she really feel if he told her just why he wanted her? There wouldn't be concern in her eyes then, just hate, betrayal, and hurt.

“Really, Alix,” he said, rubbing his thumb against hers, “you don't have to worry. I'm just fine.”

Bullshit, that small voice inside of his head told him. You're about to split apart any moment now. Hide your feelings all you want, but it will happen. You'll break down again. The words were true, reminding him of how he'd been after Holly's death. He wanted to cry again, to just let the sobs rip free and take him until he couldn't feel anything anymore – just like when Holly'd died.

He wanted to be numb again. And yet, he wanted to feel again. There was a fissure somewhere deep inside him. It split him in two. It made him confused. And hurt, especially hurt

“Okay,” she said before planting a quick peck on his lips.

Closing his eyes, Taivon managed to get through the movie without any more episodes. Alix helped him fold the blankets when it was finished, and hand in hand, they walked back to his car. The ride back was silent, accompanied only by a few attempts at conversation from her.

With one hand in hers and the other on the wheel, he had no way of reaching into his pocket. Talking wasn't something Taivon wanted to do now, anyway, and Alix must have sensed that, for she gave up within moments of trying.

“I'll see you tomorrow?” she asked as soon as they were parked outside her apartment.

She was looking up at him, with that shine in her eyes. Her hopes of finding a decent man were put in him. With the moonlight illuminating the interior of the car, everything about her looked to be glowing. The strands of her short, black hair looked silvery white on the edges, the same shadows casting in the hollow of her cheeks and neck .