Taivon: Book Three of the Cantrell Brothers Series

Chapter Thirty-Eight

After dinner, Taivon drove back to Alix's apartment. She dozed on and off on the way there and was completely out by the time they arrived. Her suitcase was still in the trunk of his car, but he didn't bother getting it. Instead, he went over to the passenger side, picked her up as gently as he could, and carried her.

“I can walk,” she mumbled but didn't move.

He kissed her forehead. “And I can c-c-carry you.”

After getting the spare key from where she always kept it – underneath the plant pot furthest on the window sill – he opened up the door and carried her inside. She had her mouth nuzzled against his neck. He could hear tiny, little snores. It made him smile as he laid her down onto the bed and joined her a few moments later, after shucking off everything but his briefs.

She immediately curled up next to him, and he held her as she slept. Usually, he'd fall asleep immediately after or sometimes even before she did, but tonight was different. After seeing her – smiling, laughing, giving big kisses to her little nephew, Calvin, and big hugs to her sister – Taivon had fallen even harder. And he hadn't even thought that was possible.

He was in love with her. He loved her, more than he'd ever loved anything. Last night, when she'd told him, it had been like everything had just suddenly clicked. There was no doubt in his mind that he loved her back. After saying those words...he couldn't even begin to describe how free he felt, because he really, truly did have a life now.

But with this newfound gift also came something bad. And that was the guilt that gnawed at him everytime he looked at the keepsake box where he kept that picture of Holly. It wasn't that he couldn't get rid of it, because he definitely could, but it felt wrong, to just act like she had never been a part in his life.

To act like his main intent with Alix hadn't been to simply use her as some sick, twisted replacement.

Now that he looked back at it, he had been really fucked in the head. How anybody could ever do that to somebody, he would never understand. How he had even entertained the thought in his mind for more than a mere second had his stomach roiling in disgust.

Sleeping underneath him, this woman, Alix, deserved so much better. But yet, she chose to stay with him. She chose to love him, even after everything that had happened to her in the past. They were both better together, and he never wanted to let her go.

He wouldn't. He would not ever let her go, but if they were going to stay together, she had to know the truth. Taivon couldn't go on anymore looking at that God damn keepsake box on his dresser every night, ignoring what was inside just so he wouldn't have to be faced with his earlier failures – with his earlier faults in this whole stupid plan that had changed into so much more.

Even now, it drove him crazy just thinking about all of Holly's stuff that he still had in his basement, packed away in mildewing boxes that smelt like moth bolls. He wanted to get rid of it. Wanted to tape it up and ship it back to her parents down in Florida.

But a person could never get rid of the truth.

And that was why he had to tell Alix. No matter how many times he tried to stop himself from thinking about how much he'd wronged her by keeping his past from her, it simply would not work. His body felt warm from the frustration, and his head began to pound as he thought about how stupid he had been.

Leaning down, he kissed her on that cute, little mouth that grinned so big whenever she saw him and tried not to think about it. He'd try to forget. Not pushing it off, he tried telling himself. Just getting more time so he could plan on how to tell her. Yeah, just a little more time was all he needed.