Things change (Haymitch and Effie)

Chapter 8

Things change (Haymitch and Effie)

Chapter Eight.

My dream that night was not a nightmare, but an interactive vision filled with happiness and a refreshing feeling of love and adoration. My dream was focused on me and Effie, of our wedding. It was set within a perfect summer afternoon at the very spot in the meadow where she'd agreed to be my wife.

Sparkling swirls of sunlight sprinkled down upon us and shone around Effie, highlighting her and made her look stunningly angelic. There's not much more to say about it, it was just simply perfect - nothing less than that, and for once I could feel a sense of relief and happiness that tugged at my heart and swirled in my stomach. If only it could have lasted forever, if only it could have been real. I knew I wouldn't be able to live in my dream utopia forever.

I would soon return to the darkness of the real world. I kissed Effie in my dream, I kissed her as my wife, and although I knew it wasn't real, my love for her still remained at it's highest peak. She was happy, that's all I ever wanted, as long as she was safe and lived a joyful life, then I would want nothing more. I was determined to make this happen, to make it a reality.

I was determined to give her the wonderful life she'd always deserved. I may have been dealing with the games for longer - since I won the 50th and was forced to be a mentor, but I could never keep it together, I drank myself down - almost into a grave. I tried to ignore the world. Effie, However, had always held herself together, she never liked every aspect of the games, no one could.

Yet, she always managed to maintain a beaming smile, every single day, even through the worst of times. It wasn't until the quarter quell that she began to crumble and break at the seams, but she still always seemed so collected and she always took care of everyone. She'd held my hand on the train…..

There was one thing I hated most about myself…..I left her! I fucking left her!

I should have told her about the rebellion, I should have trusted her! But, I was too stupid and blind to finally realise that she hated the games just as much as I did…..and she suffered for it….! I constantly felt like it was too later for me to redeem myself. I just wanted her to be happy! That's all I wanted! It wasn't too much to ask!

When I finally stirred myself awake, I was alone - back on Katniss' sofa and Effie remained behind an intimidating and towering closed door. I sat upright nervously. I could hear faint voices with serious tones and constant banging from the other side of the door.

I didn't like this, I was left clueless about something that could only cause pain, and not knowing was slowly torturing me from the inside to the outside. Like some flesh eating animal had attached itself to my skin. Peeta then burst out from the door - allowing it to fly shut behind him. For a while he remained completely unaware of my awakened presence. He just strode straight past me, buried his head in his arms and grunted with anger and pain.

He began to mutter to himself, almost like he was possessed by some spirit. His words were impossible to understand, they sounded like pointless sounds. Something was defiantly wrong.

"Peeta?" My voice startled him and he jolted around to face me. His face was ghostly white, his eyes blood shot and her was trembling slightly. He remained silent with a rigid expression. "What the hell is going on?!"

"Well, uh… there's, uh, been a bit of a problem…"

"What sort of problem." My fists began to clench, but I tried my best to remain relatively clam. Relatively.

"Well, it's Effie….there's uh, something wrong…" My knuckles turned white, I screwed up my face as anger tugged at my muscles, but, with deep breaths a managed to keep talking.

"What…kind of…problem..?"

"It's probably nothing serious-" he stuttered , desperately trying to encourage me and keep me calm, his technique being that he should tell me everything is fine. "-She's just not…responding very well, Katniss thinks she might be becoming…unconscious…but! It's probably just a side effect of the stings, she should be fine, Katniss is treating her now," Something was still wrong, there was fear in his reddened eyes and a shake in his voice. He looked at me nervously.

Why did something like this have to happen?! I may have deserved this kind of shit in my life, but Effie didn't! Peeta walked over to the door - fearing my reaction. I couldn't stand this, I was angry. I didn't know where my aggression came from, either the fear of Effie's…..death, or I just couldn't take all of the torturing shit going on in my life.

Then, I simply lost control. I stormed away - growling and shouting as I ran outside to my front door. I smashed my way into my house - hyperventilating and groaning. I stumbled into the kitchen - with absolutely no control over my limbs.

I took hold of a spare meat knife and slammed the blade into the war and channelled my anger and fear into strength so I could drag the blade through the kitchen wall. My mind was spinning and my vision was blurred. I felt drunk with fear. It felt like I was being slowly tortured and I had no element of sensible thinking. I just wanted to punch and hit everything around me.

I threw my body against the kitchen door and slumped to the ground, crying - my mind and body completely broken down. Tear brunt and stung my teary eyes and dampened my cheeks. I could feel myself shaking and trembling feverishly.

"Effie….-" I sobbed, "Please no…not you as well…." I couldn't lose her. I'd lost so many in the past. I lost Maysilee during the games, and I lost myself when I was crowned victor, my family was taken from me next, killed and suffered because of my own ridiculous acts in the arena.

Then my girlfriend. Even Katniss was enraged with me during the rebellion in thirteen It seemed like everyone I got close to, everyone I cared about either suffered or were killed all because of me. Even Peeta and Johanna and now Effie was next….

Peeta may have implied that there was a good chance of Effie's survival, but I didn't believe it. The past few days had been phenomenal, why should life allow me this kind of luck and luxury for a long period of time? I would never be allowed that kind of happiness, I shouldn't be.

I curled up on the carpet -drenched in my own tears. I continued to shake, but just before everything went black I mumbled one final sentence, "I love you, Effie…I can't lose you…"

I never should have taken her into the meadow.

Author's notes: Once again, sorry it's only short but I hope you enjoyed it and thank you so much for reading.