She told me she wanted to escape. She told me she wanted to run and leave the overwhelming world behind her. So, we planned. We met up every Wednesday during our free period and every Saturday morning at our secret place by the lake. We planned. We decided that May 18th at 11:59 pm on the dot, we would carry out our plan. We would pack everything we needed and loved into her silver Honda Pilot we named Carter after some ugly cat she had when she was 5. We would get into the car and just drive across country until we got tired of the road. The perfect plan.
I remember going to church when I was young and the pastor said "We plan and God laughs." The night before May 18th, the thunder was so loud it sounded like a gut belly laugh. She packed the car with her things and we switched cars so I could pack and then go pick her up. We planned to meet at the corner where we first met. Before she walked home, she turned around and looked at me deep in my eyes and smiled. I swear the world stopped.
I felt so excited, but so anxious when the clock struck 11:56. I knew it would take only 3 minutes to get there. I placed a letter on my bed for my mother to find explaining my actions. I pet my dog and walked out the door, unaware of what was ahead.
I sat at the corner just thinking, waiting for her to show up. The next thing I know it's 12:15 am and she still isn't here. I text but no response. Then my phone rings. I say her name but all I hear is sobs. It was her mom. My heart sank. She told me to come quick. I started the car and turned down the street as the ambulance flew past me. What happened next was a montage of a sad song with flashing lights and sirens and a heart wrenching wail. When I saw the stretcher carry your lifeless body away, I dropped to the ground. I went back to your car and sat there in silence. I couldn't cry, I couldn't scream. I just sat. something in me reached for the center console. In it was a letter with my name on it. Now the exact words are something I will carry to my grave. In this letter, she thanked me. she thanked me for giving her the best last few days. It turns out that it wasn't our great escape, it was hers. She planned this so when her funeral came and when stories would be told about her, I would always remember our plan.
The following night, I sat in our spot by the lake and wrote your eulogyknowing farewell that no one would hear it. I planned to speak. There's thatword again: plan. I wanted to speak but I knew God would laugh at the wordsthat would forever rest on my lips. This was our story. So, every May 18th,I come here and stand above her and read our story. She was the greatest love of my life. She was the answer to every question. I wish I knew the greater escape she had planned, but I knew I wasn't supposed to follow.
So, my love, I stand here hoping that your escape is everything you needed it to be. I still drive your car when I miss the smell of you. I hope that this eulogy is exactly what you wanted it to be. You were my end and my beginning. I will see you soon my love.
