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liked by blakerossi, aaliyahmende.s, andrewgertler and 1,980,011 more.
shawnmendes happy birthday to meeeee , I miss my bigseff fan blake);
aaliyahmende.s uh what lmao
blakerossi are you okay
andrewgertler Shawn you better delete this lol
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It had been a little over a month since Shawn and I had broken up. I was still heart broken. Shawn was my first love and they say your first love is the hardest to get over. He seemed fine though. He got out on stage every night with the biggest smile. Nothing made me happier than to see him happy.
I was definitely getting better, though. After Aaliyah left and I was alone again, it was the worst experience I had ever gone through. Going through a heartbreak was the worse feeling in the world. Especially your first heartbreak. After they left, it took me a week to get out of waking up every night with a panic attack.
I still never left the apartment and I was still barely eating or sleeping but how can I? When I was used to eating and sleeping next to Shawn, and now that he wasn't here everything seemed so hard.
I didn't cry that much anymore, but I think that's because I just didn't have anymore tears to cry.
The worse part about everything was that his birthday was tomorrow and the plans that we had just weren't there anymore. He never returned my texts or calls, but I still texted him at least once a week.
Karen said that no matter what way it looked he wasn't doing as okay as he seemed, but that seemed so hard to believe. I was starting to miss Aaliyah again and I wanted to make plans for her to come down to stay with me again one more time before she had to go back to school.
I spent my entire day cleaning my apartment and then sat on my bed with my laptop, going through Twitter. I think people were starting to assume that Shawn and I weren't together anymore considering he was back in Toronto starting his birthday celebrations and I was still hidden away in my apartment for the past month.
I felt so alone. I didn't really talk to anyone much anymore. Andrea always tried to call me but I didn't feel like talking to her because I knew she would be calling to ask about Shawn. Ivy's dad passed away and she decided to stay in Nevada with her mom while she recovers from such a loss. I really was alone. No Sammy. No Ivy. No Andrea. And no Shawn.
I went through twitter to see what Shawn was up to, mostly through the update accounts. Shawn was having a pre birthday party I guess you could say. He had a ton of people over at his apartment and everyone was just having a good time. Yet here I was stuck in my apartment.
