wings // shawn mendes

the break up

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I sat on the balcony trying to process what I was looking at. Nana had already gone back to her hotel room, Shawn still wasn't back and I was stuck in this huge room that seemed to be closing in on me. I bit my lip, scrolling through my timeline, the same picture spread across it. The same feeling was creeping up on me. The same feeling I hadn't felt in months because for once in my life, things were going okay.

So much had happened in one night. Just hours ago, I was supporting my boyfriend at an award show and now this was happening?

I don't even think I could cry. I was more shocked than anything.

"Shawn Mendes and Hailey Baldwin" was all over my timeline, all over every news outlet there was.

I opened the picture again and there at the after party was Shawn and Hailey. Kissing. More than kissing actually. Full blown making out. There was even a video but I couldn't bring myself to watch it. I set my phone on the bed and looked around the room. I didn't even want to hear what he had to say about any of this. There was no excuse that could ever make me forgive him.

I felt like a million freight trains were running me over. I couldnt breathe, I couldn't move. I couldn't make anything seem real to me.

Before I knew it I was packing everything that had been taken out of my luggage. I didn't think twice before dragging it out of the hotel room and down to the lobby. Luckily, the hotel drivers were still running their rounds and I found myself on my way to the airport, back to Toronto.

What would I even do? I didn't have a place in New York anymore, nor did I ever want to see Shawn in my life anywhere again. It wasn't even hitting me yet that Shawn cheated on me with Hailey.

The anger had already passed and I was in a current state of feeling nothing. I'm sure everything would hit me at once and it'd be absolutely terrible but that's just how it worked for me.

When I finally landed back in Toronto it was only 9 in the morning. When I turned my phone back on, the only people I had texts from were Andrew and Karen. Not even anything from Shawn.

Getting back to our condo, I didn't know what to do. I left my suitcase in the kitchen and stood there because I didn't know what was going on anymore.

I jumped when I heard my phone ring and I fumbled to answer it. "Hello?"

"Blake, where did you go?"

"I'm in Toronto, Andrew." I said, quietly. I didn't even look to see who was calling before I answered it.

"Are you okay?" He asked.