I had almost forgotten her.
You know when you’ve gone so long without something that used to be such a huge part of you, of your soul, you start forgetting little details. It was years to build that something we had but almost gone in an instant. Things become blurred and lost in the overall memory. Little bits fade away and become almost nothing, drifting within your conscious mind, which cause you to wonder if that small detail you so carefully memorized was actually ever real.
My memory of her was fading. She was becoming a figure in my past that was slowly slipping away from me even though I see her almost every day, we we’re so near yet so far that it almost felt like forgotten. Each day that passed, her presence in my life was becoming less and less. She left my everyday gradually, which bore a whole in my heart. If I had known that these things will happen, I would have tried harder to memorize more of her, carve her so deeply on my heart that recalling her would be as natural as breathing.
But I didn’t.
I had always carried this misguided notion that nothings ever going to change.I trusted us too much. I thought she was carved deep enough. I thought that regardless of life and all it throws at us, that she’d be the one thing I would never lose, that she will always be there, that those we have shared be stronger than anything. The relationship we built for years, that natural fondness we had for each other. It wasn’t made out of conscious effort but by two people sharing same love for almost everything. I thought it was enough that whoever or whatever may came in between us, we will still prevail.
But it wasn’t.
Now we’re here in this situation, seeing her almost every day smiling, chatting, and taking glances. Even though in her happy stance I can see in her eyes that there are words left unspoken. There is something to be taken care of, that there is sadness, that she feels the same as mine. It pains me the more. It was torture, if I had to choose, I would rather die in an instant. I want to talk to her but all I can do is to watch her just walk away.
But now I have gathered the courage.
It’s her birthday. I sent her a message, greeting her in her special day. It’s my chance to talk to her. For whatever this may cost, it’s worth the shot.
I came closer to her when everyone else was not paying attention. She saw me and gave me a smile. That smile I really miss.
