I'll Do Better...

Flashback

It's October 13, 1995, and a newborn has just arrived through the doors of my home. He was so tiny and looked like a porcelain doll with big round eyes. This was Jimin, my new baby brother. I was only 2 at the time so I didn't know much about handling a child. But as we grew older we found ways to connect and care for each other and help no matter what it was that we needed help with.

When Jimin turned 15, we became even closer to each other because he was so afraid of the world and he always thought too far ahead on different possibilities that he would die soon. I had to share a room with Jimin nearly my entire life. But he stayed at his end of the room even though he didn't like it. This is just how we learned to live.

Girls got attached to his looks and his shyness. But he had his eye on one girl and he wanted to give his entire life and soul to this one girl. She was young and beautiful but she was also already 18. So, he dated her for 3 whole years and on his 18th birthday, decided he should propose. Jimin didn't propose to her though. He wrote many letters later on that night saying he can't be in their relationship anymore because of her drug addiction. She had a daughter and he already knew about her. But Jimin wanted to care for her and leave her mother until she can stop drinking.

Jimin was up all night writing and crying. But I couldn't comfort him. I figured it was his time to learn how to stand up and heal himself. I would go check on him every now and then but I didn't intervene. I kept my distance and watched from afar. Hoping he'd feel better eventually.

But Jimin only got worse. He asked his ex for reasons as to why her boyfriend broke up with her and she said he tried to make her stop drinking as well but she didn't want to. So he left her alone and she took the baby from him to never be seen again. It's not the response he wanted to hear so instead of keeping her, he sent her to an orphanage and started drugging himself. Jimin was becoming weak and I couldn't stop him. I knew if I tried to tell somebody then they would tell our parents. Jimin would be thrown out of the house and he wouldn't ever be able to come back.

Two years later, I made him the same coat I mentioned before. It has his name, written in black and bold, on the back of it and is made with a material that you can only find in our home town. He didn't care much for presents on his birthday. But, for some reason, this is what he especially loved.

I watched as Jimin walked out the door with it for the first time. He was going somewhere but he wouldn't tell anybody where. He left and didn't look back to see who missed him. It didn't make any sense to me at the time and all I did was cry, but I soon realised years later.