The feeling of feeling in love is something no tow people can feel the same way. Or at least I don't think so. Everyone shows love in different ways and some people don't even know how to show it. Some people love things or objects, some love people, some love feelings, and some just love everything.. or so they say.
I generally love everything, but there are a few things I can tell you I love more than anything else. One is a man that I'm convinced I'm in love with. A man that is the ultimate, the ideal even, of what I want and what I need. He's perfect to me in every way, shape, and form. There are two problems with this, unfortunately. One, I have no idea in any way shape or form how he feels. He's friendly, but he's like that with everyone. He offers to help me with some homework or a critique on my latest college paper. I'd love for him to be an absolute genius at something I need help with. Like Art History. I'd then have an excuse to spend more time with him and get him to see more of me and I him.
The second problem is the oh-so-astounding age difference. I'm eighteen and he is thirty-two. That is an incredible fourteen year difference. Personally, I don't mind. I've dated guys my age, I've dated guys up to 7 years older than me, but they weren't what I wanted. They were immature, they were only in it for sex, they had nothing worth my time nor I theirs, or all of those things combined.
Now this guy, he's perfect. He's older, which I'm generally attracted to, he's smart, he writes, he studies art and the fineries that art is, he goes to my home state all the time, he's charming and funny, he's the perfect height, he's a Tai Kwan Do instructor, therefore making him able to protect me, he's sweet, he cares, he has a heart unlike many people typically do these days, and I can tell that he's more of a relationship man than a sex man. I know he likes connecting on an intimate levels with meaningful conversation and things of that nature more than a quick in-and-out and call it making love. He's a beautiful soul that I could dream of forever. He's everything I could ever dream of having, but he's fourteen years older. Some people say that age is just a number, but my parents never bought into that. They shame the thought of being with someone so much older. And sadly enough, my parents are the people I hate to disappoint. So instead of telling him how I feel or even hoping to one day kiss his lips or hear him say he loves me, I will remain silent. Merely a lowly college girl on his radar. No one important or special. Just another person that he knows as a casual acquaintance. And sadly, that is all I will ever be.
