Let's Get Carried Away

4

It's a no longer dark out when he wakes up, day light filtering through the blinds. Kyungsoo's still asleep, and he has his head tucked in Baekhyun's neck, his breath warm against Baekhyun's skin. He still has an arm over Baekhyun's middle. He gives himself a few seconds to take it all in, pretend just a little bit longer, and then he untangles himself from Kyungsoo and raises until he's sitting with his back against the headboard of the bed. Kyungsoo makes the tiniest, cutest noise Baekhyun has ever heard him make and rearranges his position until he's comfortable again now that he doesn't have Baekhyun's body to use as a pillow, but he doesn't wake up.

Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo and lets his eyes linger on his face, his features softened by the morning light. His dark eyelashes, his nose, his cupid's bow. Baekhyun wants to kiss him awake, but he holds that impulse back. He doesn't know where they stand right now. To be completely honest, he doesn't even know where he wants them to stand right now, after what happened last night.

The truth is, this thing between him and Kyungsoo has been going on for far too long. He can deny it, most of the time, or forget about it if he keeps himself busy enough, but somehow it's still always in the back of his mind, ready to come haunt him when he lasts expects it. How maybe, just maybe, they could have been something back in college if either of them had been brave enough to speak up, if Baekhyun hadn't been so scared of rejection and of the intensity of his own feelings. Until last night the possibility of him being the only one feeling this way, of Kyungsoo not wanting him back was still very present on his head, but now he doesn't know what to think.

Back in college, Baekhyun was louder and arguably far more annoying than he is now. Age has changed him for the better, he thinks. He doesn't miss the constant need for validation he used to fight against when he was younger. He's never talked about this with anyone, not even with Jongdae, because it sounds stupid in his head, but in a way, being around people that knew him in college makes him feel like the person he was back then all over again. The Baekhyun that would speak before thinking and be a little too mean just for the sake of a joke; that would only find real comfort with a warm body pressed close against his. The Baekhyun that used to stare at Kyungsoo with longing burning in his chest, and then would feel his heart breaking when he caught him looking at someone else. More often than not, that someone else had been Junmyeon.

It would be easier to let go, he thinks, if there weren't also things he misses from those days and that he wished he could have back. Like being a few doors apart from Chanyeol and Jongdae, or being within touching distance of Jongin or Zitao whenever he needed a good hug. But that was years ago, and he's closer to thirty than he is to twenty, now. He has a new life, with new friends and colleagues and acquaintances and weekly night outs with Jongdae, and he doesn't have to try to convince himself that that's enough for him because it is, except for when it isn't.

Maybe Kyungsoo wants this to be a one-time thing, get their inconvenient feelings for each other out of the way so they can both move on with their lives and truthfully, Baekhyun would be okay with that. He doesn't want to lose Kyungsoo's friendship, and more than anything, what he wants is closure. Clearly he isn't doing so well on that front. Maybe Junmyeon's engagement made Kyungsoo feel lonely, too. That's not a pleasant thought.

It's still April, and he suddenly feels cold without Kyungsoo's body keeping him warm. He starts buttoning his shirt up but then his fingers brush against the dry come on his chest. Sighing, he stands up from the bed slowly to not wake Kyungsoo up. He zips up his pants as he looks around the room. There's a door at the other side of the room, and he figures it must be the bathroom. He walks inside and closes the door carefully behind him. He finds his gaze in the mirror, and he looks a bit like a mess, his hangover showing on his face. He gets rid of the come on his skin with damp toilet paper, buttons up his shirt and then plashes cold water on his face. He's toweling his face dry when he hears Kyungsoo call out his name form inside the room.

He steps outside the bathroom and gets a flash of Kyungsoo sitting on the bed all tensed up before his shoulders relax. He seems relieved to see him, like maybe he thought Baekhyun had left.

"You're here," he says, his voice deep and cranky with sleep still lingering on the edges.

"Yeah," says Baekhyun. There's a long, awkward pause, like neither of them knows what to say next.

Kyungsoo ends biting the bullet for both of them. "Baekhyun, about last night—"

"It's okay," says Baekhyun, not meeting Kyungsoo's eye. "Let's not..." he takes a deep breath. He still doesn't know what he wants from this, what he wants from Kyungsoo. "Let's not overcomplicate this. We're still friends, right?"

"Oh," says Kyungsoo, voice soft. Too soft. He clears his throat. "Is that what you want?" he asks, and there's something heavy about the way he says it. Baekhyun doesn't want to read too much into it.

"I..." he's lost at words again. He runs a hand through his hair, trying to collect his thoughts. "Yeah," it's all he says in the end.

"Okay," whispers Kyungsoo.

"I... I have to go get my car," says Baekhyun. "Thank you for letting me stay," he adds when Kyungsoo doesn't say anything.

"No problem," says Kyungsoo, and then he's pushing the blankets covering the lower half of his body away and getting out of the bed. Baekhyun can't help but notice he's only hearing tight dark boxer briefs. Kyungsoo's never been a huge fan of pants, he remembers. "I'll walk you to the door."

"You don't have to," Baekhyun says, awkwardly.

Kyungsoo just looks at him, face blank. "Shut up," he says, but he has a tiny small on his face as he passes by Baekhyun.

They walk together through the short hallway to the door in silence. The light of the living room is still on. Kyungsoo opens the door for him, and Baekhyun finally meets his gaze. The look in Kyungsoo's eyes makes him linger for a second, and he involuntary takes notice of the state Kyungsoo is in right now. Hair a mess, full lips bitten dark, eyes still sleepy. There's red mark on his neck that Baekhyun's mouth left. He looks unnerving, inviting, and Baekhyun can't help himself.

He bends down and kisses him softly, just a brief brush of lips. Kyungsoo's eyes are blown wide when Baekhyun pulls back.

"I'll call you," Baekhyun says before he has the time to regret what he just did.

"Okay," Kyungsoo says, and then Baekhyun's out of the door. He doesn't turn back until he hears to door click close.