Grim Reaper // phan

Six

  It was three o'clock in the morning when Dan stretched his arms over his head, finally finished with the damned report. He'd tried to include everything that was significant without seeming as if he had any emotional relationship with the subject.

  That's what he'd been calling Phil all night, 'The Subject'. It was the only way to keep him from thinking of him. He would also have to start being distant, just until this job was over.

  And then he'd have to either kill him or let him live. It was no competition what he wanted to do, but he didn't know what the practical decision was. So far, he'd only seen the sweet and caring side of Phil, who was shy and quiet, always blushing and stuttering. Dan hasn't completely read the file, at first because he was lazy and then because he didn't want to know the bad things Phil had done.

  He only had three more days left before he had to make his decision. He had no clue what to do, what to choose. Maybe he should just ask the Highers to get someone else take complete the job, because he didn't really think he could handle it if Ph- the subject ended up having to die. His feelings for the boy would most likely get in the way of his judgement, and making the wrong decision for a subject had major consequences, it would probably throw the whole world out of balance.

  He just had to try and not let his feelings show. If the Highers didn't suspect anything, it would all be okay. He would hurt Phil though, this he knew. He'd been flirting with him, feeding him sweet words and naughty ones. And then he was just going to pretend it didn't happen? It was a douche move, but he didn't have any other choice, really. If Phil did end up staying alive, then maybe Dan could make it up to him.

  In the mean time, he had to wake up in three hours. So he shut off all the thoughts banging around in his head and climbed under the covers, trying not to let those blue eyes intrude into his dreams. It didn't work.

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  Dan got to school early again that day, despite the fact that he'd only gotten about two hours of sleep. He had dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep, and he kept yawning.

  Instead of heading to his locker, he went to the library, so that he wouldn't have to face the sub- fuck it, Phil this morning. He didn't know how long he'd be able to hold up the 'brushing him off' thing, he probably wouldn't last the whole day. But he had take at least try, for his sake and the sake of pretty much the world.

  So there he was at 7: 30 in the morning, hiding from Phil in the dark library, getting weird looks from the librarian and other students as he ducked behind the shelves. He tried to avoid the spot they'd sat at the other day, in case Phil decided to check there. He felt like such an idiot, hiding from the boy. But it wasn't like he had a choice, because he didn't, really. He had to choose between Phil, who made his stomach flutter and his heart race, and this job, this whole career. And deep in his stomach, he knew which one he would rather have.

  But it wasn't about what he wanted it was about what he needed, and he knew damn well that being a Reaper was so much more important than some mundane mortal he'd met two days ago. He'd spent his whole life with this job, ever since he was eleven. He'd never had any issues or complications, but just one day with Phil, not even a whole day, and his entire world, his existence, was put up for questioning. Was this lifestyle really worth not having Phil? Would it be a good idea to just become mortal again? It was possible, but it was a painful process.

And this was why Dan needed to get more sleep. What the hell was he thinking; become mortal again? Who in their right mind would ever think to do that? Reaping.... it made him whole, sort of. Without it, he'd just be some loner with no friends and nothing to do. He wasn't even sure if he'd be the same person, not being a Reaper.

  The bell rang loudly then, startling Dan out of his thoughts, thankfully. He was only getting a headache from this. He stood up with a sigh, gathering his things and heading to English. There was no avoiding it any longer, he'd have to face Phil at some point.

  The halls were emptying as Dan slowly made his way to class. The feeling of guilt grew stronger in his stomach as he grew closer. He didn't want to, didn't want to shut Phil out, hurt his feelings, make him hate Dan. He didn't want to ruin this, whatever it was they had. He didn't want to see the look of hurt, betrayal, maybe even hate in those blue eyes he loved so much.

  He reached the classroom door, hesitating before twisting the handle and stepping inside. The room was about halfway full, and Dan saw Phil sitting in the back again, reading that book. Dan walked over to him, head down, and sat at his seat. He kept his eye glued to the table, but he could feel Phil look at him.

  "Hey." Phil said, that soft voice making Dan smile even though he knew he shouldn't.

  "Hi." Dan replied, barely audible. He looked up, meeting Phil's questioning gaze. Probably wondering why he was so withdrawn. Awkward silence hung between them, each waiting for the other to say something.

  "Are you okay?" Phil asked, his voice laced with worry.

  "Yeah, fine." he replied. He almost started giggling at Phil's tone of voice, happy that he was still concerned.

  "Sure?" Phil asked. He looked so cute with his face all scrunched up and his mouth turned downwards. But Dan couldn't let his guard down, no matter how damn cute he was.

  "I said I'm fine." Dan's tone was a bit too harsh, and he instantly regretted snapping at Phil like that.

  And he could feel it, he could feel Phil's eyes on him, filling with hurt. Guilt twisted in his stomach, and he almost turned around and apologized for what he'd done before he remembered why he'd done it.

  "Okay." Phil said quietly, and Dan looked over and saw that he was looking at the table. His dark hair covered his face, so Dan couldn't see his eyes.

 

And really, Dan hated himself so much for doing this but it couldn't be helped, no matter how much he complained about it. This was going to be one hell of a day.

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a/n:
sorry it's so short...