Poems and Quotes

What Happened

What's happened to me? What happened to the out going, energetic person I used to be? How can a part of you just disappear without you even noticing? Without anyone noticing. I never understood until now why my sister spent most of her time in her bedroom. Depression does this to people. I never want to leave my room anymore either. It's just easier to try to run and hide. Most of my days are spent rotting away in my room reading or just pretending to sleep so people leave me alone. Sleep is getting harder and harder to come by, but when it does... That's when the nightmares start. The dreams of falling and everyone who's ever hurt me watching and laughing. No one cares. It's just me. They can let me fall because I am replaceable in everyone's lives. My own mother would probably miss my funeral. I am unloved and unwanted, but I'm used to it. Used to the sound of people calling me cruel names as they tell me just how much I am hated. The sound of them saying they don't want to be around me anymore. I've gotten used to people doing just what they say they won't. "I love you, I'm never going to leave you." All I can say to respond to that is don't lie to me, because guess what everyone before that has said that. They packed up and left a long time ago. They all do and they all will. I'm replaceable, forgettable. Depression spoils everything I do, everything that I say. I'm constantly asked what happened to me that was so bad I turned into this. I can't answer. I don't know myself what the true cause was. Was it my mother consistently stressing me out and yelling all the time? My mother comparing all the bad things about my dad with me? My father stressing me out by pestering about my grades? Or lastly was it all the people that were near and dear to my heart that left me stranded when I needed them most? There is never just one thing that creates a person. Every decision that we make affects people around us not just ourselves and I think that is something that most people don't understand. This is who I am. A monster. The unwanted. The helpless. The forgotten. And I'm tired of it, but there's nothing I can do about it.