"So, tell me about your childhood," Chandler implored of her, taking a final sip from his beer before tossing the red plastic cup into the dense thicket of woods that surrounded the path they were walking on. They'd been walking for about 20 minutes, and they were now completely out of view from the hill the party was taking place on. The moon shown overhead, big and round and casting shadows over the ground. Their hands were still entwined and they walked slowly.
"Well," she began, trying to think of a tactful way of beefing up a not-so-eventful past. "Up until high school, I had a not-so-great childhood."
"Really?" he asked, looking up from the ground and over at her, obviously very shocked at this revelation. "I kind of thought, judging from what I know about Ross, that you guys had a painfully normal childhood. Or is that what was wrong with it?"
"I guess it was that...combined with the whole weight thing." She bit her lip, praying not to regret opening up this can of worms.
"What weight thing?" he asked, squeezing her hand a bit once he saw how nervous she was.
"I used to be pretty big. It wasn't usually a big deal, but I got made fun of a lot. Ross sure didn't make it any easier on me. It was just typical bullying stuff, but it wasn't until after I lost it all that I realized how much it hurt me sometimes." She took a deep breath. There, she'd done it. She'd told him possibly the most embarrassing and traumatic thing about her past and she just hoped to God now for the best. She hoped that he wouldn't judge or make fun of her. When he didn't say anything for a few moments, she looked over at him, her eyes searching for what he wasn't saying.
"You think I'm an idiot now, don't you?" she asked. He smiled widely, chuckling and stopping their progressive walk to stand in the forest with her.
"You're adorable. Why would I think that?" She couldn't help but smile at the sincerity of his question.
"Forget it," she whispered, shaking her head and unable to conceal the huge smile that was not creeping across her face. "Most people kind of make fun of that story."
"Well, I'm not one of them." He took one of the hands that was holding both of hers and raised it to her chin, pushing up on it to make her eyes meet with his. His heart was beating out of his chest and his palms were sweaty, but he was absolutely lost in her eyes. He went for it. Slowly and softly, he placed a gentle kiss on her lips. When he pulled back, her eyes were still closed.
"I hope that was okay," he whispered, making it into more of a question than a statement. She opened her eyes.
"Yeah," she nodded, smiling. "It was definitely okay."
*****************************************************************************
"Do you want to leave now?" he asked, still holding her tightly against his chest. He could feel her hot tears burning against the skin on his arm as they fell, one by one, from her eyes. He didn't know exactly when she'd begun crying and her sobs had remained silent, but her body shook occasionally with a heavy jerk, causing him to only tighten his hold around her. She nodded.
"Okay," he whispered, not knowing how he felt about her answer. He was absolutely numb. He had never hated himself this much in his life. He never thought something as simple as touching her would lead to something like this. He was the older one- he was the guy. He was supposed to know his limits- their limits- and he hadn't. He'd kept going, fueled by something deep inside him that burned- ached- to be closer to her. Instead, he'd ripped himself from her like a dead appendage.
He got up from the dirt, extending his hand and helping her to her feet. They walked up the side of the hill together but didn't touching. Her arms were folded defensively across her chest and she stared at the ground the entire way. Tears still fell silently from her cheeks, but her face was stoic. He stuffed his hands deeply into his pockets, wishing that he could cut them off completely. He felt dirty, and no amount of washing or showering could help. When they got to the top of the hill, he wordlessly handed her his car keys and went to go find Chandler. When he could not, he settled for Joey.
