"Fuck, Fuck fuuuuuck".
What the fuck was she going to do now? Quinn had been or possibly was still in Lima. She didn't know what to do with this information other than walk from one side of her small living-room to the other pacing frantically while playing with a plastic chip in the pocket of her coat that she hadn't managed to take off. Quinn could be in town. The town she was in. the town that she jogged through every day. She walked to her bay window and looked out as though she was looking for her. As though through the darkening late afternoon she would be able to pick up her scent and hone in on her like some sort of weird ass predator.
To top it off Shelby had kept it a secret, which to be fair was probably the best idea considering the eruption of feelings that where going on inside her at this present moment. She would be lying if she said reaching for a bottle wasn't her initial thought when she walked away from Shelby. It was always her thought. When she woke in the morning, when she was happy, when she was sad, when she was angry. When she was hungry and basically every moment in between. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out the plastic chip and looked at it. Really looked at it, probably for the first time since it was given to her a few days ago. She had been proud, proud to have made it 60 days and then sad, so very sad that this is what her life had equated to.
Her cell began ringing again and she sighed, it was the twentieth time since she had walked away. She hated the fact it was false. Everything with Shelby was false. She didn't care about Rachel not really. She saw the difference when she looked at Beth, she saw the love, the compassion, the pride. But when Shelby turned her eyes to her all she seen was disappointment. Rachel had fallen and reached out to the one person she had left and that one person hated her for it. She didn't understand why she was even bothering to call her now. Rachel was in her apartment. Where she should be, Shelby would surely know if she wasn't soon enough.
After pacing for another 30 minutes she finally calmed down. The coat came off and she threw herself down onto the fabric sofa. Her head lulling back and eyes closing, she tried to forget about today. She tried to forget about Quinn. She tried to forget about everything. Even tried to forget about the foreign object that was digging into the skin of her hip, she was tired, far too tired to even care that it was sore. It was another 5 minutes before she shifted and reached down the inside of the sofa and pulled the iPad out from her skin.
She looks at it like it's the first time she's ever seen it. It seems heavier than it should be. Her fingers slid up the side of it until they could go no further and she pushes on the obstacle to bring the screen to life. She shouldn't be doing this, it's not healthy behaviour. Yet she can't stop herself. In two pushes to the screen, she's in Instagram and she's searched for Quinn. It wasn't hard/ it took her all of 60 seconds. She sighed of disappointment, there was no new uploads since the last time she had checked. Using her thumb and index finger she scrolled on the screen enlarging the last photo Quinn had put up of herself.
She was just as beautiful as Rachel remembered, her face had changed, it had become older, more refined. Her cheekbones were sharper and her skin seemed tighter, she had lost her soft teenage looks and was now a gorgeous woman. Her hair was longer too, from what she could see from the photo it sat silkily on her shoulders, maybe a little longer. The picture was black and white. Just Quinn from the neck up. Looking hauntingly at the camera, a sad half smile donned her lips and she had a dullness in her eyes that made Rachel's heart hurt. It made her want to harm who or whatever stole the light from them. She focused on her eyes and tried to make that part of the photo bigger but the iPad slid and in an attempt to stop it from falling her fingers smashed against the screen causing a solitary white heart to spring on the screen signalling that she had liked the photo. Her heart thundered against so hard she could feel it in her ears, it pushed the blood around her system so thick and fast that her head spun and a coldness rushed through her veins.
