Reticent

Chapter Twenty-Six; acceptance

Here I am. Avery, Halley, and Becca were sitting with me in my living room. It's been like this most of the day after we left Anne's house. We've been sitting together, in the quiet, overthinking everything. And then guilt hit me.

I have been so selfish to my kids. I should've been holding their hand through this all instead of telling them to move on. What kind of a parent does that to their kid? What kind of parent ignores their kid for a month.

Avery stood up and sat in front of me, a sad look on her face. Halley was sitting on the sectional, worriedly watching me. Becca was watching Avery on the love seat. I looked at Avery, looked at her features, looked at her gorgeous green eyes that resemble Harry's so deeply.

"What's going through your head, love?" I asked her.

"I don't want him to be scared." Avery says. "I don't want him to be hurt. We don't know where he is or who he is with, and I just want him to be happy." She says.

"He's not happy, Avery, he's not here with us." Halley snipes.

"Hey." I warn her. "I want him to be happy, too, sweetheart. I'm sure, wherever he is right now, he knows how much we love him and how happy he was with us." I reassure her.

She stared at the floor, sadly. My heart stung at the sight of my girls in front of me. Nothing but sadness in their eyes. I knew they were in pain. I know it because I felt the same way. Of course, I had anger and hatefulness mixed in there, which is why I wanted to spare them that feeling.

"When you were younger," I said softly to my girls, "you used to stop everything you were doing and stare at me," I smile at Avery, "and then you got this look in your eyes. A look that your dad had when he planned a big surprise for me. A look of confidence and mischief," I smile again, "and happiness." I lick my lips while I tried to push down the lump in my throat. "You gave me that look," my voice started to get higher the bigger the lump got. I wanted so badly to not cry but I felt sad and warm at the same time. "And then you'd blow a raspberry. You stared at me and gave me that look, then blew a raspberry. All over my face." I laugh. "And you'd lose your mind, laughing so hard, when I'd blow one back." I take my hand that's resting on the back of the couch, and move some hair out of her face. "I didn't know such a simple thing could make you so happy."

"I remember that look." Halley says, tears in her eyes. "He gave me that look when he told us he was going to get you back." She started to cry. I opened my arms and invited her to sit with me and Avery on the couch. She stood up and walked towards us, plopping in the middle of us. She leaned her head on my chest and then I reached for Avery. She leaned on her sisters back while I held the both of them.

"After you guys asked to adopt me, he looked at me that same way." Becca said sadly. I invited her to sit on my other side, wrapping my arm around her shoulder after she sat.

"Have I ever told you guys about how your dad proposed to me?" I asked them. "I had just moved into my first apartment. Your dad almost lived with me, but it wasn't official." I crinkle my nose at how cheesy my story is. "I had a rough day at work and I came home to your dad in my kitchen, flour everywhere. There were crumbled up pieces of cake and frosting on the counters, dishes everywhere, my kitchen was a mess." I laugh lightly. "And your dad told me he wanted to bake me a cake, but he didn't know how."

"Dad didn't know how to bake a cake and yet he worked in a bakery?" Halley asked, laughing at her goofy father.

"At the time, he was only the janitor basically." I giggled. "So we're cleaning up the mess and I find this ball of cake that wouldn't break down. Finally, I got it into small enough pieces that I found a diamond ring. When I went to ask your dad about it, he was on one knee. He couldn't even get the sentence before I said yes." I smile.

"You and dad are like a romantic comedy." Avery said with a laugh. We were quiet after that. I had nothing else to say, I feel like it was nice to reminisce. After a while, our comforting bundle of sad hug was interrupted by my phone ringing beside me.

"Hello?" I asked after I answered it.

"Taylor, its Stan." I heard on the other line. I excused myself with the girls and walked down the hallway into my room. "Alright, I've done everything I could. The only thing I've come up with is I have her number and this warehouse place she usually goes to." He says.

"Is Harry there?" I asked.

"How am I supposed to know that?" He asked me.

"It's a fucking warehouse, Stan." I furrow my eyebrows.

"I don't know. All I have is her address and her number." He says.

"Useless. I could've found that in the phone book." I tell him.

"She is not easy to crack, Taylor." He says.

"Sorry. I know you did your best. Thank you." I say and hang up with him. I sit on the edge of my bed and wait for him to send me Kate's number. In the mean time, I call John.

"Yello," he answers. I roll my eyes and come some of my hair back.

"I have an idea, that may or may not get me killed, but it's an idea." I say to him.

"Lay it on me, woman." He says. "Oh by the way-"

"I don't wanna hear it. Just listen to my idea." I cut him off.