Norin's Rants

Mom

A basic teen ranting about her mom? Sigh, lameeee. No not quite this one.

Mother you know i love you from the last bit of my heart to the top, but you done fucked up. 

I love you endlessly every day of my life nothing could ever change that. But I guess I'm still hurt. I was ten. Ten years old and you sent me to live with a man I had no memory of, the term father came and went, but I thought mom would stay forever. I was wrong. I lived with this strange man who's face I barely recognized from a very distant memory, A girl growing up needs a mother, I needed a mother, not a visit once or twice a year, or an occasional call. I need a mom to show me how to be a proper female and I did not have one. I could let that go mom. You really were thinking of me, maybe not in all aspects but in most, yes I get it, and yes, I know how hard it was. I guess in the back of my mind I just feel like I wasn't the daughter you wanted.

Sometimes mother, people are depressed, sometimes people do drugs to fix that but you, you are a mother and that was not the answer because I can tell you when I heard I almost lost you I was ready to kill myself. I have been depressed for six years slowly walking to the edge and if anything could push me to that edge it was almost losing the only person I wanted to love me. Every time I hear even the slightest joke about drugs I feel the tears flooding to my eyes because again for no real reason I feel that fear. 

I say none of this to hurt you I say it to clear my mind even slightly. 

I hope you of all people get that.

I really do love you though.