Nail Biter

4

“David, I've changed my mind.”

“Come on, Gwen, you just need to make it to the end of the week! You can do it no problem!”

“Not with my fingers wrapped in bandages, I can't.” Gwen looked down at her hands. David had wrapped the tips of her fingers with bandages after cleaning up her bleeding thumb. He had checked each of her fingers for God knows what before cleaning and bandaging them. It was at that point that Gwen found herself unable to ignore the fact that she had been withholding her doubts. “Are you sure it's a good idea to just go cold turkey like this?”

David thought for a moment, which made Gwen’s stomach tighten. “It isn’t like you’re just keeping them in bandages the whole time!” He said. “If something goes wrong, we’ll know when we check them.”

Gwen nodded reluctantly. David had insisted that she wear bandages on her fingers until she had broken her habit. While Gwen was internally adamant that it wasn’t a good idea, she wasn’t exactly able to come up with anything better and kept that opinion to herself. David seemed completely serious about her situation, though he still kept his usual upbeat tone.

The bandages on her fingers were tight, but not painful. Looking down, Gwen held her hands in front of her and flexed her fingers. She could bend the tips of her fingers a little bit, but doing so took more effort than it would have otherwise.

“Okay, here’s the plan,” David closed the first aid kit before turning to face Gwen again. “We’ll check your hands every morning and night in case you end up with an ingrown nail, but for the next little bit, you should wear them during the day so you can’t get to them.”

“Alright, David,” Gwen held herself back from yawning. For a reason, she couldn’t exactly the place, the idea of seeming tired at this time was embarrassing. It seemed almost rude, which wasn’t usually something she cared about, but she felt like she could at least start putting in some semblance of effort. David would appreciate that. “I'll try.”

“I think you'll be able to do this no problem!” David insisted as he picked up the first aid kit. “Try your best to get a good night's sleep, okay?”

Gwen stood up, sliding off of the table. “Yeah, I will, David.”

David opened the door to the office and paused, waiting for Gwen with a wide smile. Gwen walked out of the building as well, holding her hands together in front of her, but still holding them close to her chest. “Thanks,” she mumbled and looked at her, locking eyes with David before walking off towards the counsellor cabins. David fled back into the office. When he returned again, he was no longer holding the first aid kit.

Gwen wrapped her arms loosely around herself as she walked, struggling to act casual with David trailing behind her. As they approached the counsellor cabin, she paused and turned around. Letting her hands fall to her sides, she met David's gaze while keeping one hand on her door.

“Goodnight, David.” Gwen tried her best to flash a smile, but it ended up feeling awkward and forced. Suddenly met with a wave of embarrassment, she opened the door and quickly disappeared into her cabin and waited.

“Goodnight, Gwen,” David’s slightly muffled voice followed her before he opened the door to his own cabin and closed it behind him.

Gwen stepped back, resting her back against the door behind her and flicking the lights on. The sudden brightness made her vision blur slightly for a short moment, dots of colour appearing and reappearing in her peripheral. She blinked and adjusted herself to the light, focusing more on the bubbling in her gut than the small ache at the sides of her head and behind her eyes.

She hadn’t realized how tense she’d become just by wishing David goodnight. No doubt, he thinks something is wrong. Gwen looked down at her hands again, flexing her fingers and turning her wrist experimentally. The abnormal amount of effort it took to bend them, as little as it was, made moving her hands annoying. She dropped her hands to her sides again.

Of all the things that made her anxious, wishing her co-worker goodnight shouldn’t be one of them. Sure, it was out of character for her and that may have been why she was so tense but was it really too late to start being nice to him? Probably. She’d been working here for three years and she had already solidified her reputation. There was no changing that.

She hung her head, cursing herself for considering that. Why should she care? If anything David will just chalk it up to her being in a better mood than usual. Perhaps that wasn’t the worst thing. Everything would be better if she could keep it together. Even then, leaning against her door, she tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling and force back tears as she scolded herself. As she blinked the lights bore down on her. She forced herself to keep her eyes open. Keep quiet, she told herself. The wall between herself and David was thin and it isn’t his job to take care of her.

Pulling herself upright before she could fall to the ground under her own weight, Gwen pushed herself towards her bed. She felt as though she was puppeteering her body from the outside. It wasn’t exactly numbness, but it was a lack of feeling along with a similar vein. It just didn’t have anything to do with a lack of sensation, in her limbs, she felt numb internally. Empty, like she had been so many times before. She has a method for when things like this happen; take a pill and sleep it off. That’s all she really can do in scenarios like this.

She picked up the small white container from her bedside table and twisted the cap off, sitting down on the side of her bed and shaking two small capsules into her open palm. It would take too much effort to stand up again and get water. Deciding to attribute her sudden surge of emotion to being overtired, she swallowed the pills dry.

Dropping her clothes off the side of her bed, Gwen turned and stared at the light switch near her door. Sighing, she wrapped the blankets closely around herself. If she held them tightly enough, there would be no point in worrying about the lights.