The Cripple and The Shieldmaiden III

// 1 //

'There was this woman once, Ase, one of the fiercest shield maidens ever know, you would love her you know,' his voice sounded so far away and yet it sounded so close by. Soft strokes covering skin while he talked further. 'she was extraordinary, she was loyal, more loyal than I ever will be.' His voice chuckled a little as it's fingers slowly petted the skin. 'she died saving the future, she died saving the one thing you truly will love, she died for you. Although you aren't here yet, you need to know what she did for you probably will carry her name.' He whispered against her skin. 'If she was only here to witness this, she probably would hate me for it.' It was silent for a very long time without any movement under her skin. 'I miss her sometimes, she was the only one I trusted to keep your mother safe.' The sigh following was one in distress, tiredness. 'sleep now, let your mother be.' A kiss pressed against the skin before it went completely silence in the room.

Torhild woke up of the silence in the first place. It was already light outside, the stone walls looked coldly down as she moved her body up, gazing around in the room while her hand caresses her swollen belly. Eight months it had been and she was pulling herself through that last month like it was a battle on its own. Raynor was always a silent enjoyer, when she was pregnant of him he was always quiet in her belly, soft almost. This time it was different and it tired her out more than she wanted. The baby was always moving at night, holding Torhild up because she couldn't sleep over it. Today was different, she slept longer, she slept tighter but when she looked aside her she didn't saw what she hoped to see. It was just an empty spot, one of the many in days. She pushed herself out of the bed and walked out of the room towards the dining room where only the flames of a heavy fire made a presence in the room. She thought coming to Iceland would erase the struggles from the past, but even after all of it Torhild still thought about Ase, she still thought about England, about home or the fact she needed to be a queen. But it didn't consume her as much as it did for him. She walked over to the table, carrying her heavy belly with one hand while she looked down to the maps.
'Torhild.' Torhild startled up out gazing to the maps and looked to the woman walking in. 'Sorry if I scared you.' She apologized right away. Torhild shook her head and looked back down to the map of England.
'Nothing to be sorry about.' She smiled friendly. The woman bow a little and took Torhild to the routine of each morning, clothes, bathing, breakfast. 'Where is Raynor?' She asked after the woman clipped a furry cloak around her shoulders.
'At the docks.' She answered. Offcourse he was. Torhild softly smiled, looking through the window over a small village before she paced through the hallway towards the door. 'He explicit commanded me to not let you go outside.' She said with a small voice. Torhild turned around towards the woman.
'He can tell me himself.' She just stated. The servant girl bowed and rushed off while Torhild walked outside. Iceland didn't had warm days, it was always cold, harsh weather leaving no place for a peaceful stroll. But given Raynor was on the other side she had to, despite her strict orders to stay inside. So she walked, greeting the few villagers that where outside.
'I feel like somebody is going to lose his head today because of disobedience.' Torhild stood still and slowly turned around, feeling the wind in her back. She didn't heard his horse, nor the familiar noise of that chariot, but she did heard the flaw in his voice.
'Me or the servant?' She asked, a little taunting while her fingers followed the horse his neck, body, the leather strapped of the reins until she stood aside his chariot.
'I mean it.'
'If you would be there to tell me personal Ivar I would probably listen. But giving I wake up, without you or my son you really can't suspect me to stay inside.' She started. Looking up in his blue eyes stated the same as always, a restless soul. Ivar changed a lot, he matured, became responsible. She still drown into those eyes of his, those deep blue eyes always shouting violence. 'I'm pregnant, not deadly ill.' She reassured him. She managed one time without him, although she had Hvitserk all the way through her pregnancy of Raynor.
'And I want to keep it that way.' He protested in concern. Torhild softly smiled, looking over his leather armor back to the horse before she walked behind his chariot and climbed on it.
'You know, telling our unborn child more about Ase than me will not make me more popular.' She stated, while he turned around on his seat, loosen up the reins in his hand.
'You heard.'
'I always hear. And if you want to be their when I'm getting into labor you should be more around, Ivar,'
'Don't start.' He warned her efficient, not wanting to talk about his need to get back to England, his lost temper, the fact that he was bored. Instead of that he laid his hands on each side of her belly and looked down to it. 'Don't talk.' He said again, lost in himself, restless for he couldn't get what he always craved for, power. He placed a kiss on her belly and Torhild looked down to him, smiling weak on the compassion he showed for his unborn child. Since that one time she left him she always imaged how it would be to have him around ... but now it felt like she held him back, and he knew. He sighed and slowly looked back up to her.
'I won't hold you back if you want to get back home, to England, I saw the plans.' She softly started, ignoring his wished to not begin about it. His hand stroke over the tight braids she put there herself before he pulled his other hand away from her body and gazed into the distance of a cold winter day.
'Home is with you.' He whispered, drown in his own thoughts.
'And are you happy?' Torhild asked him carefully. He looked back, his jaws a little tensed together because he hated the subject more than he hate the fact he was alone here. Yes, he conquered this little village, he got himself a little castle but it wasn't enough. Torhild lifted her hands and laid them against his cheeks, locking his firing eyes into hers. 'You are Ivar The Boneless, you ruled England, you are supposed to rule the world. That is you destiny, don't let a pregnant woman take that away from you. I hate to see you like this, truly, I'm blaming myself. I miss it to, I miss that crippled bastard and his snappy comments.' She stated, smiling softly because he relaxed in that touch of her.
'I miss you in a certain way. Where is my queen, my fierce shield maiden.'
'She is taming another warrior.' Torhild smiled, looking down to her belly. She let him go as he lowered his head to her belly.
'I'm trying.' He whispered. Torhild didn't knew to ho, her or the child.
'Just promise me that when I give birth you return to Kattegat and do some good damage somewhere around the world. Be ruthless, be fearless, be yourself, be Ivar The boneless.' And there was nothing after that he said, there was nothing he did. He just looked up to her and nodded. In a certain way she saw a little change. He felt guilty in a way, for being stubborn four years, for missing four years at her side, for not being there. Now he was making up for it. But Torhild didn't want him to suffer under her pressure of a pregnancy, she wanted him to rise.

Ivar stopped the chariot at the waterside, a little bay surrounded by a few cliffs that stopped the most harsh wind. It was peaceful here on the other side of the little village and it was Raynor his favorite place. Torhild looked to the old man sitting on a log, a grey beard, bald head, skinny posture as his joyful laughter filled the air when the black haired little boy knocked the hammer on his own finger. Raynor got furious, throwing the hammer away and Torhild looked aside to Ivar, knowing that temper didn't came from her. Ivar just shook his head on the sight of his stubborn son. In those eight months Raynor changed a lot, he grew more confident. He knew where his head was and left his childhood way too often. He didn't play anymore, he became serious. Torhild knew it wasn't a good thing but in a way she was proud of the things he managed to learn. Raynor turned around and spotted his parents, leaving his anger in the run over.
'That is the least of the pain you will have to endure in the future Raynor.' Ivar pointed out to all the raids and fights he would have to go through.
'He is a child, let him be one.' Torhild reacted, coming down from the chariot as Raynor wrapped his arms around her legs. Torhild murmured something while she lifted him up and rested him on her hips, trying to avoid any weight on her belly. 'Let's see.' She whispered, taking his hand as he pointed out the finger of his own. Torhild looked to the red finger and pressed a kiss against, smiling because he snuggled his face in her neck. 'You are tired.' She stated.
'Fierce boys never are.' Raynor protested angry.
'And who told you that.' She said while turning around to Ivar who just titled his head a little amused.
'When is she coming?' Raynor ask, reaching down from her neck to touch her belly. Torhild laid her hand on it and stroke the surface along with Raynor his little hand.
'Within the month.' She answered him. His blue eyes shifted towards his father and both of them exchanged a look she couldn't decode. 'What is this?' Torhild asked suspicious, looking from Raynor up to Ivar who leaned over the edge of his chariot. Raynor started to laugh, wrapping his arms tight around his mother's neck.
'Nothing, I'm just curious to meet my sister.' He smiled devious. What was he hiding? Ivar putted his hands up as she was looking at him.
'Why do you want a sister so badly?' Torhild asked him curious. It was nothing else he talked about when he was home and alone with Torhild, just as Ivar was so madly hoping on a daughter he could call Ase.
'So I can protect her. When you are old and I'm a grown up, she will be still little and I can be a big brother. Like you and unlce Björn. And then me and father can learn her to be a fierce shield maiden like you mother.' He started excited. Torhild didn't knew what to say for a moment. He started to move a lot in her arms, she didn't blamed his enthusiasm but he was hurting her sensitive body.
'Raynor.' Ivar reacted almost coldly, defensive. He froze and held still in her embrace. None the less, Ivar pulled him loose from her and Torhild looked to her son who was totally still, sitting there on the edge of the chariot between his father's arms.
'What else do you want? Expect for a sister?'
'I want to go back home, fight in England again. Can we do that again?' He asked, looking from his mother aside his to Ivar.
'What you can do is finish your work with Floki.' Ivar pointed out. His mood shifted and Raynor felt it to. He nodded and crawled back from the chariot, running over to Floki who was watching them. Torhild turned back to Ivar. 'You need to rest.' He avoided the subject. She chuckled, not with much meaning and shook her head, turning around so she could lean a little against the chariot, watching Floki as he talked with Raynor. She felt him shift behind her and the next thing she felt was his lips resting against her temple. 'I love you, you know that right?' He asked in the kiss he pressed there. Torhild closed her eyes and turned her head a little to look up to him.
'After all we been true you still doubt that?'
'I'm always doubting my feelings. That is why I don't want to go back, violence will consume me, war will make me ruthless and I'm afraid that I will lose or hurt you in the process.' There was his fear, his honesty, the vulnerability in his voice. Torhild lifted her hand and stroke her fingertips over his cheekbone.
'I can handle you, I did it from when I was a little girl and will do it until I'm to old to stand. I will pull you back, always.' She promised him. He scanned her face before he slowly pressed his lips against hers. He didn't kiss her like this in weeks. Running from his own fear and doubt he avoided her as much as he could. She stroke her hand to his neck, feeling every bit of confident falling back in it's place with his kiss. When she pulled back she was out of breath. Her body couldn't handle intense stuff like that anymore. 'You have never been that Ivar against me, don't doubt your heart. I love you to.' She whispered. He smiled weak, placing a kiss on her forehead and hold his arms crossed before her chest as they both watched Raynor again. He was building his own first ship with Floki, a ship that would bring them home someday.

Note; There we go again! I'm so excited and hopefully with this first chapter off to a good start. Let me know.