For the Love of Toby.

6.

The walk to Toby's car seemed like a long walk. Tor was accompanying Marg to a studio to practice her acrobats and I had already called mum to forget about picking me up so this was it. I finally got there and knocked on his glass so he could unlock the door. When he saw me, he smiled. I got in and heaved a sigh; it was a long walk because Toby never parked in the school's parking lot.

"Hi," I said awkwardly.

"Hart, comment on the song," Toby said.

"It was.. Sexual," I answered. Toby laughed and lit up a cigarette.

"Did you like it?"

I paused. Did I like it? Hell yeah I liked it!

"It was.. Cool," I replied. I didn't want to seem like a sex addict or something.

"Just cool?" He asked, giving me that long stare with an eyebrow raised. Screw this.

"It was awesome," I said with a smile. When he started laughing, I looked down at my thighs; I didn't want him to see my face getting all red. Why was he laughing at me?

"What?" I finally asked. He was still laughing. Then he stopped.

"It's just.." He turned to look at me, "aren't you supposed to be a feminist?"

So that was why he was laughing. And it suddenly registered in my head. I was a feminist and I was enjoying a song that objectified women. How stupid could I be? But then again, wait. How did Toby know that? I only said it on my blog. He would only know it if..

"You were stalking me?" I asked, feeling like the most important 11th grader in the world. Now, I was the one giving him that long glare, but he didn't take his eyes off me. So that was when I returned to looking at my thin pale thighs.

"No Hart, I was stalking your blog," he answered as he inserted his keys and started the car.

Oh my God. Toby was stalking my blog? My boring unpopular blog? How did he know my blog? As if he was reading my mind, he answered, "I've apparently been reading it for 3 months now but I had no idea you were the.. Writer I guess."

I smiled but I said nothing. Then, it came to me.

"The woman's agreement to the 'game playing' kind of justifies its sexism," I told him.

"Oh? Hart, please explain this."

"Feminism helps girls to see themselves as the kind of sexual beings that boys are, having control over their own sexuality. So, if the 'girl' consented to the game play, I see nothing wrong with it."

Toby was smiling at the road now as he drove.

"Well said," he told me. Then, we said nothing to each other. All I could think of was mentioning Madeleine, his 'fuck buddy'. I wanted to understand the mystery behind the madness.

"And I'm assuming the song gave you tons of ideas for you and Madeleine?" I blurted out. Then, I suddenly realized I shouldn't have asked that. He looked confused.

"I'm sorry," I started, "I.."

"Stalking me?" He turned to ask me and I turned red. Again.

"I guess we have that in common," I told him and he laughed. Actually, this time, we laughed. I was sharing jokes with Toby McGivins. Were pigs flying?

"Whoa," Toby suddenly said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Hart, I'm afraid I do not know where we're headed because I do not know where you live," Toby said. How stupid of me. I just got into his car and expected him to drive me home when he didn't even know where I lived. So I directed him and before we knew it, we were at my apartment building. My mum and I just shared an apartment which was no problem since our family was literally a 'duo' and most apartments in Washington were reasonably priced.

As I was about to get down,Toby grabbed my arm.

"Fell's having a party at his parents' beach house. Starts at 10. You coming?"

Okay so I know I had already been indirectly invited by Fell and had declined because of stupid anthropology. Now, I was getting a second invite from Toby. Who fucking cared about anthropology?

"Yes.. If I can get a ride from my mum," I told him apologetically.

"Why? You can't drive?" He asked. So I pointed at Mr. Mart's dumpster.

"You see that?" I asked Toby and he nodded as he observed the brand new dumpster.

"We got that for Mr. Mart when I demolished his previous one with my intelligent driving skills," I said, shaking my head at myself. Toby laughed.

"So I'll pick you up at 10?" Toby asked me.

"Considering the fact that you have a girlfriend, won't that be.. Inconveniencing?" I asked.

"Naa, Maddy doesn't mind."

I smiled. Yes. Yesssss.

"Sure, 10 it is."

"Bye Hart," Toby told me.

"See you at 10," I told him back and once he drove off, I skipped all the way to my apartment, like I was in kindergarten. That was when I realized I had a problem.. What to wear.

There was no need to panick; I had friends. So I phoned Tor. After telling her my problem, she laughed in the most inconsiderate manner.

"Mikki, are you sure you're going to be comfortable wearing one of my fucking jerseys?"

So I hung up on her after cautioning her on her swearing problem and reminding her that jerseys would only make me appear skinnier than an anorexic drug addict. When I phoned Marg, her mum informed me that she was in their house gym which was far from her room which was where her phone was. I was irritated that she couldn't just walk the somewhat far distance and give Marg her phone or better still, yell her bloody name. And if their house was that gigantic, why weren't there intercoms? So I thanked her and hung up.

Mrs. McGivins was completely out of it. I bet she had tons of runway clothes that were totally dispensable but now that Toby and I knew each other, I didn't want it to seem like I was everywhere in his life; his school, his car and even his house.

So I went to meet my mum. She dropped her mug of cappuccino (we were coffee lovers in my family) on top of her lamp table and stared deep into my eyes for 30 seconds before she spoke.

"Honey, I don't think you're interested in my faded momma jeans or work suits," she told me sympathetically. I slumped on her bed, pretending to cry.

"I guess I'll just not attend the party then," I told her, pessimistically. Then, all of a sudden, mum snapped her fingers like something had just come into her mind.

"Your grandmother had tons of stuff that she let me keep before she died. I think there were clothes as well. You can scan through in case there's anything you fall in love with," she told me with a slight smile on her face.

"Thank you mum," I gave her a huge hug and dashed to the old chest she pointed at.

When I opened it, I was astonished. It was so rich in content. There were tons of pearls; pink ones, blue ones, yellow ones.. Most of the stuff in grandma's chest were florals. She must have really liked flowers. Just as I miserably scattered the chest to find something worth finding, I came across a beauty. It was simply elegant. My fingers trembled as I picked it up because I was finding it hard to believe that such a dress was going to be worn on my unworthy body. It was sort of a skater dress (definitely not called that in grandma's time) made with dark green velvet. The velvet was soft to touch and was rich in its green colour. This green velvet dress had a sexy décolletage at the back which went all the way to the waistline. The tips of the short sleeves of the dress were made up of overwhelming embroidery, the kind that would be seen on a Christian Dior dress in the 50s.

"Found something?" Mum yelled from the other corner of her room. I hadn't just found anything. I had found perfection. Perfection that was going to compliment my presence at Timmy Fell's losership party.