Green light floods the stage. MIROIRE and the PRINCE walk onstage. MIROIRE is holding a shovel.
"So... this is the place?"
MIROIRE: "Yes. If you could just turn the soil around here that'd be fantastic."
"Why do I need to turn the soil?"
MIROIRE: "Not for a body, that's for sure! So if you could just dig a lilte hole about 6 feet deep, and about the size of SNOW WHITE."
"I guess that makes sense. Wait, did you say SNOW WHITE?"
MIROIRE begins to leave.
"Wait, before you go... have you met SNOW WHITE before?"
MIROIRE: "Um, well define "met". I saw her once offstage."
"Um... what?"
MIROIRE: "Uh, I saw her once in a corridor. Yeah, a corridor."
"Oh... okay, I think I like her."
MIROIRE spits out coffee he was holding.
MIROIRE: "What? You've only known her for one scene! I mean you've only known her for about a day! How could you possibly love her?"
"Yeah, that's true but... I don't know. I've never really been interested in the whole 'dating' thing. I was alone, and that was okay, you know? I was fine being alone. But when I met SNOW for the first time, I realized I wanted to be more than fine, I wanted to be happy. I want to wake up every morning and be excited for the day ahead. I want to still have a life beyond waking up, working for you guys, coming home and going to bed. I don't want to be caught in a cycle like that anymore! I need more to my life than my work, and she is the first person who's ever made me even consider that maybe, just maybe, I could be truly happy. Do you know what I mean?
MIROIRE gives a phony heartfelt response.
MIROIRE: "Wow, that was...really...really...lame. You're a total dork. Good luck with the digging"
MIROIRE walks offstage.The PRINCE mutters curses under his breath and starts digging vigorously, as if the dirt was MIROIRE. HUNTRESS and SNOW enter. HUNTRESS has a staple gun. The PRINCE notices them and hides behind a tree.
"So... uh... thanks for showing me this part of the compound."
"Oh... yeah. You're welcome. I feel... I feel as if we got off on the wrong foot earlier, you know?"
"Yeah, I feel the same. You're much less surly off the clock."
The HUNTRESS is flattered.
"Thank you!"
There is silence while as the two continue to stroll.
"What's with the staple gun?"
"Oh it's not for right now. Don't worry about it... it's nothing. Heh."
"Okay..."
Silence.
"Okay... Why did you bring a staple gun to the forest?!
"Okay it's for... Hanging up wanted posters. Yeah!"
"Oh! Why didn't you just say so?"
"Heheh yeah I should have just told you right from the start, huh?
There is a pause.
"Do you think you could turn around for a moment? I have something for you."
SNOW nods and turns around excitedly.
"Oh, like a gift?!"
HUNTRESS slowly raises the staple gun to SNOW's heart, and Is about to pull the trigger. The PRINCE is shocked.
"I guess you could call it that. Just relax a moment."
The PRINCE charges in wielding the shovel like a sword. He runs in front of SNOW, holding arms out to protect her. SNOW turns around when she hears his voice and is shocked.
"Wait, stop!"
HUNTRESS points staple gun at the PRINCE.
"What are you doing here? How long have you been here?"
The PRINCE ignores her question.
"I saw everything! You were going to kill her, weren't you?"
"Well, yeah. That was the order. But I guess I'll also need to take care of the witnesses!"
HUNTRESS advances, and pulls the trigger. PRINCE backs up and blocks the staples withe the shovel. They fight like this for a while, the forest eventually growing dark as the lights fade. HUNTRESS hides behind a nearby tree. PRINCE looks around uncertainly. The HUNTRESS comes from behind the tree and hits the PRINCE on the top of hid head with the butt of the staple gun. The PRINCE is knocked unconscious. SNOW stares in shocked silence. The HUNTRESS sighs and turns back to SNOW.
"Glad that's over. Man, I'm tired. I guess it's back to business."
"No!"
SNOW screams and runs off.
"No wait come-"
The HUNTRESS sighs.
"I should go home. I'm... I'm too old for this."
HUNTRESS walks off, dragging the unconscious PRINCE behind her.
YOU ARE READING
Twisted Tales: The Great Snowstravaganza
Humor"Ladies and Not Ladies, a very warm welcome and Salutations to our show! We really hope you have a good time watching us take Snow White, and, well, ruin it. It is a tale of Jealousy, Revenge, Deceit, Manipulation, Romance, and Office Supplies." ___...
