Over the next couple weeks, Sam would not leave me alone. I regretted making the statement that we were friends, but only a little bit. He was OK, and if it meant I wasn't so acutely aware of Katie's absence, then I'd let him stick around for a while.
Katie, on the otherhand, was being the crappiest friend ever. She and Paul where spending every waking second of their lives making out. That, or he was trying to suck out her internal organs.
"I think she's like, eating him," Sam wore a disgusted face, jabbing a finger at the air towards the two.
"Maybe," I mumbled listlessly, scratching absently at my arm. He was kicking his feet against the wall we where sitting on, sending small jolts through my legs. "How long until the other guys get sick of it?" I asked, not really invested in the conversation.
"I give it two more days, judging by their expressions." He was right. The other where edging away from the pair, some even glaring. I pushed onto my feet, not really wanting to watch anymore. Sam got up to follow me, and together we headed for... somewhere away from the throngs of people.
I slumped against my locker, staring at him for a second, my brown eyes on his green. "I'm just... tired of this all, y'know?" I finally managed to say. He nodded, knowingly. "And," I continued shakily, "I don't even know what I'm tired of, I'm just, sick of something, and I can't even figure out what it is! I must be a special kind of stupid." I finished. It felt like I'd swallowed a tennis ball, and my eyes felt like a thousand angry wasps where sealed behind them.
"I know how you feel," Sam said quietly. I looked over at a mirror at the end of the hall, but his eyes where already trained on it. I quickly hid my gaze behind a layer of bangs.
Abruptly, Sam pushed himself up, and held out his hand. "Follow me?"
I just nodded, letting him pull me up, then shuffled after him as he strode through the halls. What an odd pair we made, him with his overt confidence, and me, trailing behind with hair crowding in front of my face.
****
we ended up at a park across the street, laying under a dying oak tree. Sam had hardly spoken a word after he asked me to follow him, and I was grateful, but at the same time I wished he would fill the silence, with anything. babble, humming, even insults being hurled at me wouldn't be too out of the ordinary.
Usually, when I was with Katie, she went on and on about everything and nothing. It was strange to be alone with someone, and know you have to say something, but not knowing what to say.
"What did you mean," I began slowly, "That you knew how I felt?" I sat up, my back against the tree. Little bits of bark where getting caught in my same, oversized white sweater, but It was comfortable all the same.
"I just... did. I went through something similar at my old school, my friends leaving me and all. I just got fed up. It hurt, not having anyone there anymore. They thought me moving school would fix some of the problems I was having. Getting in fights, Cutting class. Well, I guess that part didn't work out so well, but I do feel better."
I nodded, but I was paying attention this time. "Just, like that? you felt better after moving schools?"
He sat up too, crossing his legs and leaning against his hands. Light filtered through the dying Oak leaves over his hair, making it shine a light brown color. "well, it was more after meeting you than anything. You just seem, different. like you care more than anyone else, even if you're crap at showing it." He looked up, staring at the leaves.
"I assure you, I'm only crap at showing I care when I do not, in fact, care."
"That's a lie, but I'm not in the mood to argue," He smiled. "I like this spot. in the park, I mean. It feels calm, y'know?"
"Yeah," I agreed. it did have a strange zen feel to it. "I think I'm feeling what you did. I'm more just ticked at Katie than anything, and paul."
"I think it's that a little, but It seems like you're more just made at your lot in life." He stuck out his wrist a little by way of explanation.
I stuck mine out, the first time I'd willingly showed it to him. it was covered in red marks from where I'd rubbed at it. "When I was little I thought I could make it go away by rubbing it off, or I could change the numbers with Sharpie." He laughed softly, nodding.
"did you ever try and paint over it with a paintbrush?"
"Duh, of course."
"My mom used to tell me it was because I'd already found my soulmate, and I was just waiting to meet them again," Sam sighed, "But I don't think that's the case anymore. I think it's just a way of the universe saying, 'you are meant to be alone forever because you are a terrrible terrible person'."
I smiled, and replied, "For what it's worth, I don't think you're a terrible person." Sam looked at me for a second, before saying, "That means a lot more than what the universe thinks to me."
Wow that got pretentious quick. haha, Move over john green, here I come!
