Secrets of the heart

Old dreams, fresh memories

It was getting dark and I felt like I had been walking in circles for a while. All the trees around me looked the same. I lost my mom after I wandered into the woods chasing a butterfly. When we first got here she said we were playing hide and seek with daddy. She told me that we had to hide really good or else daddy would find us. It was dark and scary in the woods. The trees seemed to turn into monsters as I walked past them. I heard a noise in the distance and started walking faster. I still didn't know where I was going. A cold breeze sent a shiver up my spine and suddenly I really wanted to go home. I tried to walk in one direction, hoping that it would help me get out of the woods.

"I need to find mom" I thought. 

I heard something in the distance that sounded like footsteps. They seemed to be getting closer to me by the second. The closer the footsteps got, the faster my heart raced. I noticed a clearing in the forest and started walking toward it. Now I could hear the familiar sound of my mother's voice. I needed to find her. We needed to go home. Dad will be mad if we're late again. 

"Noah run", she yelled in the distance. "Daddy found us" she said in a scared voice. 

"Mommy" I say as I run toward the sound of my mother's voice to find her in the clearing. 

 Instead of running toward me, my mom runs away from me. At first, I'm confused, then I noticed my dad behind her. My dad is chasing my mom in the clearing. Mom looks really scared. I watched my dad catch up to her. 

He grabbed her by her long brown hair making her fall to her knees and said "Don't you ever run away from me." he yelled pulling my mom's hair harder making her groan in pain.

I didn't wanna play hide and seek anymore. 

 "Where did you think you were going with my son huh?" He yelled in anger. 

"Please" my mom begged straining against my dad's grip. 

I had never seen my dad so angry before. I could see the rage that filled his eyes. 

I was so stiff, I felt glued to the ground. Dad was really mad. I wanted to run toward mom before dad could hit her like always. If I stood in front of her, dad would just hit me instead but I was frozen. Before I could even blink my father had pulled out a pistol and shot my mom right in between her brown eyes. The same brown eyes that gave me comfort when I was scared. Those brown eyes shined with love when she looked at me and smiled. Brown eyes that now rolled to the back of my mom's head as she fell to the ground, motionless. Tears rolled slowly down my cheeks. I didn't breathe.

My father now filled with remorse said "I'm sorry" in almost a whisper then put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger and fell to the ground. 

I still couldn't move, all I could do was cry. I shook my mom's dead body as she laid on the ground. I wanted to wake up and I wanted to go home. The world lost all its color and nothing seemed real anymore. I fall to my knees and cry silently. I can hear the faint noise of sirens in the background. Then my heart too stopped beating . . . .

I jolt awake from the same terrible nightmare I've been having since I was five years old crying and drenched in sweat. After looking around my room, I'm reminded that it wasn't a nightmare, just a sad memory of the tragic day I lost my parents. I was only five years old when they died. Now I'm 15 years old living with a foster family. When this family first adopted me, I was scared and didn't talk much. I was a very shy kid and even today, I still struggle with talking to other people. Sometimes I feel like just ending my life like my dad did, but what will that solve? It won't bring my parents back. Those thoughts bother me constantly. It's as though I'm fighting off some monster that keeps getting up no matter how many times I knock it down.