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🥀 Story Time || Am I really good enough? 🥀

Just saying this Story Time is going to be about deep dark thoughts and stuff that is in my head so... yeah.

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As this Story time title says: "Am I really good enough?" It is a common question most... if not all people ask themselves. Well it is one of the questions I keep asking myself along with; Am I really happy? Do I really belong here? And Is Potato a gender?

To be honest... I, myself don't know when I started being all self conscious and want me to be presentable and fitting with the crowd.

It might've started around grade 4... when I was self conscious about my forehead being too big and being "That Nerdy Asian Girl" so I guess I begged my mom to let me have a different hair cut and to add a fringe/bangs to cover up my obnoxiously huge forehead.

And for the whole remaining academic year of grade 4 I pretended to be carefree, chill and dull. So much to the extent that I purposely failed math and brushed it off like "pshhh whatever!".

I kept that act and eventually got in trouble... my parents were complaining that my grades were going downhill and that my behavior in class is not so good... I was angry and upset because I've never gotten into trouble for anything school related or anything major, so I yelled and locked myself in my room like the total b*tchy person.

I totally regret that moment and I wish I could take it back or talked it out... but I guess this is the harsh reality... we only live once and can't take things back.

I kept this whole act for 2 years up to the point I don't really know if this is acting anymore... My friends expect me to be dumb and chill and a person who will not understand reality... But really, I do understand them and no matter how much i want to help, they put me down thinking I'll just make a joke out of it...

Ever since then I underestimate myself for everything... I'm so used to hearing insults that I just let is slide and I wont remember it nor will I care about it... but sadly... same goes for complements... it doesn't affect me... not that I am not thankful, it's just that i doubt myself, if someone says I am good at let's say drawing, i'll think Am I really? There are many other people with better art styles and more talented than I...