treehouse // bronnie

4

When I left Brandon's treehouse it was dark out. I was replaying the events that happened in my head over and over again as I drove home. All the lights were out at my house when I arrived -- I assumed it was because my parents had gone to work.

I made it through the front door before bursting out into the most foolish grin I could ever muster and giggling uncontrollably. It was almost as if I could still feel his lips against mine.

I ran to the living room and made a horrid sound out of pure giddiness as I collapsed onto a couch. A grabbed a pillow and put it over my face as if I was going to suffocate the butterflies out of me. "Fuck -- fuck -- FUCKING FUCK," I yelled, not knowing what else to say to relieve what I was feeling.

All of what was happening was so good, yet I was so scared. I figured if I could hold off on feeling anything for guys until college, I'd be safe from any traumatic homophobia that could occur. What did I like more? Brandon or my safety?

Brandon.

Fuck! I'd risk all the safety that came with my false straightness if I could kiss Brandon like I did every day -- shit, I'd be happy with every week!

I closed my eyes and hugged the pillow against my chest. That stupid fucking treehouse is where I'd want to be.

****

I wasn't sure how to treat Brandon around Dave and Mark. I'm sure they could tell what had happened the day before, but for my own good, I'd prefer not to know that they knew.

Dave and Mark talked up a storm during lunch, making the silence between Brandon and me unnoticeable. My true fear was that Brandon thought I was suddenly uninterested in him -- truthfully, I wanted to kiss him even though his breath probably tasted like the garbage school lunch.

When calculus came around, it was clear that I had freaked Brandon out. He stared at me as if he was afraid.

"Are you alright?" I asked hesitantly.

"D-did I do something wrong?" He whispered.

"No -- Christ, no."

"Then why aren't you talking to me?"

"I just don't want the guys to know, okay?"

"I thought you were out to them?"

"I am! It's just -- we just met -- I don't want them to think I'm just hoing around or something."

"We'll tell them soon, right?"

"Yes -- we'll tell them..."

Then the bell rang and I had to pretend I was interested in numbers.

****

Art was eerily silent. All four us didn't say a word for the most part of the class. Dave was slowly moving his paintbrush against what was going to be his glorious watercolor dick. As my attention drifted away from that detail, he slammed his brush down. "Fuck, okay, I'm just gonna say what everyone's too pussy to say!" He snapped. "I know you and Brandon are fucking!"

My eyes widened at him. "We—I—"

"Don't tell me I'm wrong! You both walked into the room with that look--something obviously changed!" He growled.

"We didn't fuck!" I spat. "But yeah...yeah we're something."

Dave picked up his bush and put it back to the paper, "I can't believe you can get a boyfriend and I can't even get a girl to look at me."

Brandon giggled a little, "ah, come on Dave, your time will come."

"YoUr dAy wiLL cOme," Dave mocked.

****

The school day went on and soon it was over. Brandon was waiting for me outside of the band room once again. He looked at me with a hopeful smile and I felt myself float to him. "Need a ride?" I asked in a half sly, half absolute moron voice. He nodded his head and we left.

We made our way through the parking lot and got into my car. The entire interaction was silent, not a single word was spoken before Brandon leaned over the center console and attempted to kiss me. In a panic, I jerked away.

"Sorry!" He immediately exclaimed, but I could still see he was hurt by my rejection.

"No, no, I'm sorry!" I quickly apologized. "I just--I don't want someone to see..."

A sad look washed over him. "You still want to kiss me, right?"

"Yes, of course!"

He smiled a bit, however, still not looking any less disappointed. As I started the car I wanted to tell him that I would love to kiss him anywhere, anytime--I was just scared. Instead, I just turned on the music and pulled out of the parking lot.