treehouse // bronnie

7

I told Dave and Mark that something happened between Brandon and me the morning after at school. I didn't tell them exactly what happened, and they didn't pressure me to, they only saw how much it hurt me. "Geez, Ronnie -- I'm sorry, you guys seemed so good for each other," Dave comforted.

"If I talk about it, I'll cry," I stated simply.

Dave and Mark exchanged concerned glances and then walked me to my first class.

In that class, I heard Brandon's name more than I had the entire year. "God, that's fucking nasty!", "I always knew he was a queer.", "What a fucking faggot, I swear to God, if ever comes for me..."

I was both sad and angry, every part of me wanted to stick up for him, but then it hit me that they were all still looking for whoever was with him that night. So, like a coward, I kept my mouth shut.

My classmates made the day harder and harder, none of them shutting their mouths about what happened. The peak of the difficulty happened to be lunch, there I had to participate in the school shittiness. I forced Dave and Mark to pick another table so that Brandon wouldn't sit with us. Neither of them were particularly eager to, in fact, they were fairly angry. "What the fuck is wrong with you," Dave hissed.

"You heard about what happened didn't you?" I whispered.

"Of course I did, everyone in the damn school has, and he needs us. Everyone is against him."

"Why don't you sit by him then!"

"I didn't fuck him by a creek!"

"That's not what happened!"

"What happened?"

"If I tell you will you sit the fuck down?!"

We picked a table and sat. I took in a shaky breath, "we went to this creek near his house...and we kissed...we didn't notice the guy coming through the tree behind us...that's it." I left out the hand part -- I figured they didn't need to know that.

They accepted what I told them, it wasn't like there was anything to add, and from then on we conversed like normal. It wasn't until halfway through lunch when I spotted Brandon. He sat alone at a table, not eating, just staring down at the table. I prayed that no one would do anything to him, but as if the universe wanted to rub in how much of coward I was, right as I was watching, two guys walked past his table and mimicked obscene acts. I quickly looked away before I could see his reaction. If I had seen that, nothing would stop me from going to him -- and that wasn't what I needed.

****

Brandon still spoke to me in Calculus though I didn't deserve it even in the slightest. "Please talk to me, Ronnie," he whimpered hopelessly. "I know you don't want to be seen with me -- I know no one does, but I need you."

I need you.

I had to say something, I couldn't completely destroy him. "Talk to me after school."

God, I'm such a fucking piece of shit.

Through my peripheral vision, I could see the relief Brandon felt by me just talking to him. I let out a sigh, trying to relieve the pain in my chest knowing what I had to do. I had to let him know I had to leave him. No matter how much I didn't want to, I had to...I had to.

****

I avoided Brandon at all costs the rest of the day. Even in art class, where I spent my time painting in the back room, trying my best not to think about the conversations we had with Dave and Mark ending. When I finished band, I spotted Brandon waiting where he usually did. I didn't acknowledge him and tried to gesture him to follow me as subtly as possible. He followed me at a distance, which I appreciated more than I could ever tell him at the moment.

We quickly got in my car, and I didn't waste any time speeding out of the lot so no one could see us. "Thank you, Ronnie," Brandon finally said, when we were on the road.

I didn't say anything back, not even "you're welcome". I truly was the biggest asshat in the world.

"Today's been rough," Brandon continued talking, which made the guilt settling in my chest bubble more. 

"I know," I manage to whisper brokenly.

"I don't mind, it would hurt me more to see you humiliated."

My heart completely shattered, I let out an awful cry, "please don't, Brandon."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry -- I have to do this."

"Do what?"

"We can't be like this anymore -- I can't date you, I can't be your boyfriend, I can't be seen with you, I just can't.

"Oh."

I turned into the nearest parking lot because if I went any further, I'd crash the car.

"I'm so sorry, Brandon," I quivered.

"I get it, I saw it coming, actually," Brandon mumbled. "When you left the treehouse the other day, I just knew..."

"Just know that I've never felt like this before, but...you deserve someone better, someone who's strong enough to take this."

"Save it, Ronnie, it doesn't matter."

"I mean it! You deserve the world, I know this just from the little time we had -- this is all on me."

"You're not the one who's going to be fucking harrassed every day after this!"

The anger in his voice sounded so foreign to me. The complete opposite of what I heard from him all the time until that moment -- and I deserved it. "I can't say how sorry I am. I can't afford anyone finding out--"

"I already said I get it -- the biggest favor you can do right now is driving me home, after that, you never have to see me again -- just like everyone else in that fucking school wants."

I knew there was nothing else I could say to him. It was already done and over with -- I had lost him.