(discontinued) i love you (but i'm not sure if i should) - Katemau

the rewrite

if you're interested in reading the current version of ily, please check out avoidant. plotholes and pacing will eventually be fixed, though the update schedule is probably screwed.

www.wattpad.com/story/115047587-avoidant

12/28/18 edit: previous two a/n's have been deleted. the majority of this fic was written when my mental health was at an all-time low. i was so, so incredibly close to killing myself. i just reread this whole fic, as well as the comments. im surprised this is still getting attention after all these years. its been over 3 of them, can you believe it? if anyone cares, ive been going to therapy for the past 4 months. i havent made a lot of progress, but thats the thing. im making progress. and i think, if you told that to me when i was 13 and writing this, i dont think i would have believed it, and, if i did, i dont think i would care. i honestly didnt think i was going to make it to age 14. i thought id meet the same end as another one of my friends former close friends. our reasons might have been different, but the results would have been the same. occasionally ill think back to those times, and, sometimes, ill still feel that way. like i said, i havent made a lot of progress. but... its progress. i have friends that love me, and a family that loves me, and, even when i feel like theyll be better off without me, theres still movies in the future i want to watch. i dont have a cat, and id really like one, and, once i get a cat, ill have to feed it, because no one else will. one day i want to own my own place and live happily with a keurig and a radio that plays shitty music because it looks nice. theres pies out there i havent made. animals i havent pet. candles ive yet to buy.

basically, what i want to say, is that, when it seems dark, when it seems hopeless, theres still hope for you out there. reasons like "you have people that love you!" dont work. but think about the other things, the little things. those are easier to live for.

ive picked up writing again, moved back to ffn - im "they did surgery on a grape", if youre curious. im currently writing a few splatoon fics. my most popular one is soon to be at 20k, whenever i finish this chapter. starting projects is a nice thing for me, because i cant die if i want to one day finish them.

anyways.

i hope you guys have been doing alright, if anyones reading this.

im excited for 2019! 2018s been a long year tbh...