I Siriusly Don't Understand || Completed

sleep talk

Mars' PoV
I knew I was being irrational. I couldn't blame him really, but something scared me. I was afraid.
What if James was wrong?
What if Sirius was just bored?
What if Sirius was just being Sirius?
I knew he was just teasing about his bed being open all the time. But for a moment, when he had said that, all I could think about was Marlene coming back to the dorm so early in the morning, and I thought about how many girls had been there, and then I thought about how that would hurt Marlene.
My best bet would to be not to let myself get to attached. That way no one would get hurt.
I layed in bed while my thoughts ran around my head until they tired themselves out.

"Mars, are you awake?" A soft voice whispered.
I opened my eyes to see Sirius sitting on the foot of my bed.
"Sirius?" I asked, sitting up a little.
I could just make out his familiar silhouette in the dim, cold room.
"Mars, it's so cold in here," he said, I could see him shivering.
"Come one, get under here," I said, throwing the covers back for him.
He moved next to me and wrapped his arms around me, and I let myself melt into him. we sat like that for a while.
The pale moonlight filtered in through the partially closed curtains.
"You can trust me Mars. I promise," he whispered into my hair, then rested his chin on top of my head.
"I wish I could-would." I said my head buried in his chest.
He looked me in the face for a minute, then leaned into kiss me.
I pulled back.
"Sirius,  I like you but I can't. I can't do that to Marlene." I heard my voice, like spun glass. The wind could have broken it.
it sounded like someone was crying. I looked around the room, but it was empty, I looked back and Sirius was gone.

I woke with a jolt, listening hard. In the next bed, I could hear Marlene crying.

This had not been the first dream like that. They happened quite regularly. It felt so real. I wanted him to kiss me again, but it would hurt Marlene, and I couldn't do that. Especially since I already had somehow.
I rolled over and curled up under my covers and fell asleep.

I expected the dormitory to be empty when I woke up, like it usually was. But when I looked around the room, I saw Marlene sitting on her bed, a sad smile on her face.
I sat up.
"Hey," she said. "Can we talk?"
"Of course," I said.
"I just want to say that I'm really sorry." Her voice was quiet as she looked at her hands in her lap.
"Marlene, you don't need to be sorry!" I said, standing and sitting next to her. I wrapped my arms around her and she collapsed into me.
"Oh Marls, I'm sorry. " I said.
"You know," she said sitting up and wiping her eyes, "you know, I was dumb enough to think he actually liked me."
"Oh honey, I'm sure he did," I comforted her.
"He didn't, he likes...someone else."
My heart skipped a beat.
"Remus told me he asked me on a dare." She continued. "He said that Sirius didn't didn't mean to hurt me,  and he really tried to like me, and that maybe he had."
I couldn't believe it.
I mean I could, but I didn't want to.
"Are you kidding me?" I yelled angrily.
"I know right." She said smiling at my indignation.
"What a pratt." I said shaking my head. this confirmed my fears. he was exactly what I thought he was-bored.
she gave a small laugh as we stood and walked out of the dormitory and headed down to breakfast, her arm slung around my shoulder.

Sirius'PoV
Marlene and Mars walked in the Great Hall together.  I was glad that they seem to be getting along again, but for some reason, a little scared I needed to talk to her. preferably alone.
the two chatted about who knows what as they sat next to Lily and Alice.
"hey Mars?" I said tentatively.
she looked up from her breakfast.
"can I talk to you...privately?" I asked
"no," she said simply.
"Can I talk to you publicly?"  I tried.
"no," she said again her tone was casual. she went back to her bacon and eggs.
I stood there for a minute not sure what to do.
"okay fine maybe later?" I tried a third time.
"maybe."
I walked away slowly back to the Gryffindor Tower I had lost my appetite.

Mars' PoV
"Marlene," i said. We were sitting in Gryffindor tower watching it pour rain, ignoring our homework.
"Can i ask why you were mad at me?"
"Well..." she said, looking a little embarrassed. "I guess I was just worried that  you and Sirius were going out behind my back. Just paranoid, you know?"
I nodded. "what exactly made you think that?" I asked.

a sad smile crept onto her face. "you talk in your sleep, you know that?" panic rose in my throat.

I shook my head. 

"well, you do, and I always heard you whispering one name."

I stared at my feet. 

"'Sirius.'" she said quietly. "I think it must have started around fourth year, you know, when we became friends with them."

I couldn't say anything I just swallowed hard. "I'm so sorry-"

"no," she cut me off. "please, don't be. I knew that you must like him, and I was selfish."

"but when he asked me out, I thought I was Justified, because I was saving you from liking someone who didn't like you back." she continued. her voice even more quiet.

"but then I got paranoid, and then when he-" she cut off abruptly. "never mind, that doesn't matter."

my heart clenched. "so what made that change?" I pressed. 

"well, like I said, you talk in your sleep." she said. "and after talking to Remus, who assured me that neither of you would do something like that to me, I heard you talking in your sleep last night." she swallowed hard and continued. "you said... you said 'Sirius, I like you but I can't. I can't do that to Marlene' and I knew that if even in your dreams you wouldn't hurt me, that of course you wouldn't in real life." she finished and I let the silence hang in the air.

"I don't want to like him." I said after a moment. "I don't want to like someone who asks girls out on a dare. someone so loose and thoughtless." I said. 

"yeah," she said, with a small laugh. "lets move on together."

and that's what I love about Marlene, even though it hurt for her, she was going to help me too.