A Problematic Relationship

Chapter 3: A letter and an empty room

"There's no nice way of putting this. I'm actually crying while I'm writing this. I'm sorry.

After this last incident with Section 31, I realized that I only mean danger to you. I'm sure they'll come back for me, and this time, if they find you with me, they won't hesitate to kill you. I don't want to endager you anymore. You don't deserve it.

Besides, I know I'm a terrible boyfriend, because I can't open up to anyone, not even you. And I'm a workaholic. And my self-sacrifitial nature means that you could lose me at any second. You deserve more than this, someone who will be there for you all the time. You deserve someone better than me. And I don't deserve you.

I know it's rude to tell you this through a letter, but I couldn't have done it anyway else. The risc was too big. I requested a transfer to another ship. It's time that I took a wieght off your shoulders, you don't have to worry about me anymore.

I love you, darling."

The PADD from your hand fell on the floor as you froze. Tears immediately started dripping down your face. You ran towards the Captain's ready room, ignoring the confused looks everyone gave you. When you stepped on the bridge, Hoshi, Tavis and T'pol all wanted to ask you what's going on, but you didn't give them the time. You fell through the door of the ready room.

Captain Archer looked up from his PADD. When he saw your red eyes, wet cheeks and clenched teeth, he realized that you read the letter.

"I'm so sorry." He muttered.

"How did you let him do this? Why did you let him go?" You shouted, more tears rushing down your cheeks.

"He put in the transfer request straight at Starfleet HQ. If I had known about it, I would've never let him leave, trust me."He stood up and walked towards you.

You didn't reply. You couldn't. All you could do was fall into the Captain's arms, who hugged you warmly.

"Go ahead, cry yourself out." He wasn't really sure what to say. He knew nothing could cheer you up, but he still wanted to do something that would make you feel a little bit better.

"I love him, Captain."You managed to whisper. "I can't live without him. He was all that mattered to me. I don't want to live without him. I have to get him back somehow."

"Shhh, I know, I know." He tried to calm you.

When you stepped back on to the bridge, the two Ensigns and the Vulcan Commander rushed to you, concerned.

"He left. He just left Enterprise. He just left me." was all you could manage to say, before bursting into tears again. All three of the embraced you, even T'pol, who tried to understand the pain you were feeling even if she was Vulcan.

Your quarters felt empty without Malcolm. You never imagined what it would be like, not even in your worst nightmares. The picture of you two smiling suddenly made no sense. It was over and you weren't ready to accept it. You dropped down on your bed, holding that photograph in your hands. You placed it over your chest, near your heart. Where is he? Why did he do this? You couldn't help it, you started crying again when you just thought of him.

You turned on some music. You tried to listen to some of your favourite happy songs, hoping they would cheer you up a bit. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work. You switched to sad songs, perfectly matching your emotional state at the time. One song's lyrics especially resonated with you: Sam Smith – Too good at goodbyes.

I'm never going to let you close to me

Even though you mean the most to me

'Cause every time I open up it hurts

So I'm never going to get too close to you

Even when I mean the most to you

In case you go and leave me in the dirt

But every time you hurt me, the less that I cry

And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry

And every time you walk out, the less I love you

Baby we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true

I'm way too good at goodbyes

No way that you'll see me cry

I'm way too good at goodbyes

I know you're thinking I'm heartless

I know you're thinking I'm cold

I'm just protecting my innocence

I'm just protecting my soul

"I'm never going to let you close to me Even though you mean the most to me 'Cause every time I open up it hurts." You sang along. You knew what these words meant. More than anyone. Because Malcolm taught you. And you would've given everything to get him back.

You stopped the music when you heard the doorchime. You wiped your tears away and you sat up in your bed before saying "Come in." quietly.

Trip walked in, his eyes desperately searching for you. When he heard about what happened he immediately asked the Captain to let him start his shift later so he could check on you. When he saw you, teary-eyed, he ran over and quickly hugged you. That was the best thing you could've recieved then.

"I'm so sorry,Y/N. I wish I could've done something." He said as he sat down next to you and let you curl up next to him. He was your best friend, after all. And Malcolm's too.

"Why? Why did he do this to me?" You bit your lip, trying to stop yourself from bursting into tears again.

"I.... I don't know. But what I do know is that Malcolm is definitely suffering as much as you. But he's convinced that this is the best decision to ensure your safety. You and I know him more than anyone. He would die to protect you." Trip didn't like this either. He knew Malcolm's idea was foolish. But at the end of the day, the Lieutenant just waned you to be safe, he just executed his plan in the worst way possible.

"I don't care!"Your voice turned agressive from all the anger that had been building up in you. "I feel the safest when he's with me. Why does he have to be like this?"

"I'm not gonna say it's gonna be okay, because that's not true. But I'm gonna be here for you and we're gonna find him and tell him how dumb he is for doing this to you. Alright?" You knew he would help you. You trusted him.

"Promise?" You looked up to him, his eyes meeting yours.

"Promise." A faint smile appeared on his face.

He pulled you in for another hug. A single tear slid down your face. Yes, you'll find him. That thought had to keep you going.

When you were alone again, you got buried in your thoughts. During times like this, you would've loved to posses T'pol's amazing control over her emotion, You feared that your state would end up driving you into making irrational and stupid decisions. Especially after you got told that you were going to be filling the Armory Officer's chair.