observations
by cordelia evans
i notice that people are much more different than myself.
they don't do the same things as i do nor do they say the same things. they seem to enjoy this lifeless, monotonous cycle of brutalities we experience every time we take a step or every time our heartbeats in .85 seconds. they don't mind the familiar surroundings they lie in as a sort of comfort resides in them when they see their homes and schools. they like the way they say things: either to the faces that smile in front of them or behind their backs with snide whispers. they enjoy the way they emote the masks they wear, which hide the contrasting truths.
i don't really understand as to why.
and, most importantly, they seem to only take to the big things in life: the future, their hopeful sucesses, the media, the news, accidents and incidents of a major scale, themselves.
which is what i really don't understand.
i find it strange that they don't take notice of the smaller things:
like the background drums and strums in a pulsing song or when someone quickly taps the base of their throat in an anxious manner or how, before a storm, the wind jumbles around, as if tilting the earth off its base.
how do they not notice the way a girl laughs off an insult only to pick at her nails viciously moments later? how do they not notice that those boy's eyes aren't red off of drugs but because he's too depressed to care anymore for his life? how do they not notice that this life isn't one of their favorite movies or books? that, sooner or later, they will die? do they not think about growing old and feeling death capture you in its soothing embrace? do they not take a moment to breath and think?
think so fucking hard about how they don't belong here and why they were placed on this earth in the first place with the family they have when they just loathe their existence, believe them to be a waste of space and why they lay awake every night counting off each breath and wondering how to cut of their skin because it weighs you down and takes up at least 15% of your body weight and
goddammit
do they just not notice anything?
YOU ARE READING
cordelia
Teen Fictionit was hard to love someone who couldn't even face themselves in the mirror, who believed themselves to be poisonous and worthless. but i still loved cordelia, sometimes so passionately and forcefully enough to make her wince, since all i...
