21 september 2009
today, i decided would be the day.
i stood tall, adrenaline soaring through my veins like a drug, making me dizzy, light-headed, almost causing my lucid thoughts to vanish in a hazy smoke of dreams and desires.
i let the day go by, creating a veneer of passivity, so that it seemed i was paying attention.
but, no, today, i decided would be the day.
underneath my facade, all my thoughts and wonders and screams coursed throughout my entire body, making me stand on edge. i couldn't concentrate in any of my classes; hell, i didn't even care if people were trying to make conversation with me, if teachers demanded i answered question.
i. couldn't. concentrate.
and then the day went by, uneventful, and i knew it was now or never.
when it came to the moment, the moment in which i confronted cordelia evans, and asked her if i could talk to her and brought her to side of school where withering stares could break my confidence and it was just the two of us, alone, i froze, all of the adrenaline in my body fell and dripped off into puddle in my sneakers and i was left numb.
my mantra of breathing:
in and out
in and out
in and out
was all i could think of.
and when those amber eyes held questions, ones directed toward me, i couldn't open my mouth, i couldn't move, i couldn't-
no
today, i decided would be the day.
and so be it.
i told cordelia evans what i had to say.
this was the day, i decided, i told her i loved her.
and she ran away.
YOU ARE READING
cordelia
Teen Fictionit was hard to love someone who couldn't even face themselves in the mirror, who believed themselves to be poisonous and worthless. but i still loved cordelia, sometimes so passionately and forcefully enough to make her wince, since all i...
